✔️The funhouse of murder • Stray Kids X reader✔️

128 ☠️

I froze in my spot, expecting all but those words. Though in a split moment he had taken a hold on the pistols end, he held it right against his heart. "I have nothing to lose anymore. I already lost everything I had in this place. If I get back out here, I have nothing. I don't care about the stupid money, living on all alone again is useless for me. Just tell me two things before you do it." My breathing once again turned more heavy, knowing fully well he could have stopped me right that moment. So why? Why was he allowing me to go this far?

"Will you find your happiness after this?" was his first question. My happiness? I didn't even know if that was possible anymore. Could I ever be happy? I'd be free, that was for sure. Free from the pain and suffering. Free to start a new life. But would that make me happy? I couldn't possibly already tell. "Of course I will! You think I put in this much effort just to stay depressed? I'll be the happiest person alive after this!" I boasted, hoping the tears I felt welling up wouldn't betray me. Hyunjin let out a low hum, closing his eyes already.

"And just one last thing... was any of it real?" The tears that had welled up already silently felt down. No matter how stupid it seemed, I was grateful Hyunjin wouldn't have to see it. Every memory I made in this place started flashing before my eyes. I remembered walking together with Seungmin in the desert, talking about every possible thing we could think of. The way he always made me feel like I was accepted, like I mattered. Like I was truly loved. The simple way we could look at each other and know what the other thought or needed. I remembered the kiss, that held too many feelings to simply be for survival, and the way his touch would simply make me crave it more and more. The way he said goodbye already, as if he knew it would be the end for him.

I remembered Felix's smile above all. The way he always tried his best for others, even though his past was clearly haunting him too. The way he tried to put others first, even going as far as to pretend to be lovers just to get more donations for us. The way he would hold me and care for me, seemingly way too genuine for all of it to be fake. I remembered Changbin's words, saying how Felix had probably liked me. I still can't help but wonder if it was true.

I remembered the way Minho livened up as soon as we were alone together. The way he became a completely different person when he and Jisung were separated, like he'd been freed from whatever shackles Jisung had put him on. The way he took care of me that night of my panic attack, the simple way we shared our dreams for the future. How he would be sure to try to defend me and protect me, and most of all make sure I was okay. And yet, knowing that all he put himself through was to help his family. Though me and Jisung weren't close at all, and though we never really saw eye to eye, knowing he went with Minho to be with him and to hopefully help him out, I knew that there was good in him, even if he had difficulty showing it.

I remembered the way Changbin had taken me under his wing right from the start, making sure I would fit right in. Immediately treating me like we'd been friends for the longest time, always caring for my wellbeing, telling the others to be careful with me as soon as he had noticed I wasn't comfortable with skinship, but most of all, the way he always believed in me. No matter what I did, he was always there to support me, even if I made mistakes. Hearing him say all those kind words about me even when he thought I was asleep truly warmed my heart.

Jeongin's warmth was something that pulled everyone closer, I think. He had been open and kind to everybody, always making sure the group would stay kind to one another, even if he himself was having trouble. He always saw kindness in others. Even in me, when I hadn't been able to find it myself. How he, even when terrified of Hyunjin back in the mirror house, only thought of protecting me from his former friend. How he would simply hold me after Seungmin had left, probably noticing too that my perspective had shifted on skinship, rather needing the warmth now than loathing the touch. And still, I could see the betrayed look on his face when I left.

With Chan, things were way more complicated. No matter how much I hated him at the start, no matter how many mistakes he made, even if he did things from his own, weird perspective, he had always put others above himself. He had always done his best to save everyone, when he couldn't even save himself from all the criticism he was facing. He must have known too how much the group was starting to doubt him, and yet until the very end he was only thinking of others. He'd completely busted me, and yet, throughout this entire month, he made me feel like his number one priority. Even until the very last moment, he was trying to save Hyunjin... from me.

I wiped my tears away, looking at Hyunjin's face carefully. How even did he go from despising me, trying everything to cast me out, to saying he became obsessed with me, enough for him to give up his own life for me, because he believes it would make me happy. Was it that I had saved his life a few times? Did I somehow fill an empty spot in his heart? Whatever it was that made us come this far, watching him throw away his life for me, the very one I was ready to kill someone for, I desperately wished things could have gone differently. And still, I knew that I had to let myself go without any emotions one last time as I answered his last question.

"No. I'm sorry for making you believe that anything we shared was real, but I'm sure you understand I had to do it to survive... just like this. Thank you for letting me win, Hyunjin," I whispered, finally pulling the trigger.