✔️The funhouse of murder • Stray Kids X reader✔️

131 ☠️

As we moved onto Changbin and Jeongin, I had to really control my breathing if I didn't want to break down all over again. Maybe it was because from the start on, they had always been there for me, or maybe it was because I felt the most guilty to them for not being able to tell them they'd likely walk straight into their death. Even if I wasn't 100% sure in the beginning, reading the notes Jut left for me made it all clear. Clear enough for me to go after them at least, but that's probably what made this the hardest to watch. Especially after hearing my name mentioned after they had left.

"It's bothering you too, isn't it?" Jeongin asked Changbin, who I could hear respond with a hum. "Why would she be going with those selfish, dangerous pricks anyways? Haven't we been the ones to always be there for her when things were tough? All they've been doing is bring people in danger and quite literally hate her, or have some sort of issues with her. I'm sure there was a reason for it, but I just can't seem to figure it out." If only they knew the reason behind it. I could have, no, I should have saved them after knowing for sure. Had I just told them the truth, they wouldn't have been dead right now.

"I'm sure she'll be fine though, right? She's strong, she can take care of herself. I'm sure she'll meet up with us soon," Jeongin spoke, even if he didn't sound confident at all. And yet, to hear he still had faith in me even when I had clearly betrayed them broke my heart. Changbin hummed again, still looking troubled through the screen. "I just..." Changbin continued after another minute of silence. "You saw the way she looked down, right? She couldn't even say anything... It just isn't like her at all, like something had been bothering her." He looked over at Jeongin, seemingly trying to hint something. He was most certainly right though, but I wasn't sure I liked or hated how well he already seemed to know me. "Did anything happen between the two of you, by any chance?" Jeongin looked back at Changbin, shaking his head. "Nothing I can think of at least... Neither with you, I'm assuming?" Changbin shook his head as well, letting out a sigh. "Nothing here either..." Jeongin hummed again, seemingly defeated. 

I should have just been open and honest with them. If anything, they were the ones I wanted with my in the end rather than stay with Chan and Hyunjin. But how could I possibly have killed the two knowing if I wanted to change my life around, I'd be forced to? Maybe this way had been better. At least now I didn't have to see it happen. "I just hope she's doing alright... if it really leads to the next safe zone, let's get her there as soon as possible." Jeongin spoke, nearly making the tears that had formed in my eyes fall down. Changbin finally smiled. "Agreed."  To think they still wanted me with them, even after all the horrible things I'd done truly was unimaginable. It clearly showed how much more they deserved to win this than I did.

Maybe that's why it was so hard to watch them get killed right after. I purposely joined Chan and Hyunjin so I wouldn't have to see what I knew would have made me lose my goal completely, so having to sit here watching it still was just cruel, even for me, and even for this place. "You know, my dear Y/N," sir started off as I watched Jeongin being pulled back, "I think I know why you didn't go with these two. I mean, how sad would it have been to have to watch them struggle, you know. Especially since even though you cared about them so clearly, you still needed them dead. I'd practically set it all out for you, so you should probably thank me for it," he laughed, before going onto the next video. Thank him, my ass.

Chan's death was still horrible to see yet again, but I think having seen it happen already helped to process at least part of it already. There wasn't anything I hadn't heard yet, hadn't seen, or anything I didn't know. He was still the same, stubborn person, who I hated to admit was right about me. Hearing him say everything that was true, about how it was me that Minho saw in the jungle, about Jut telling me the secret on how to get out here, the paper Jut had left for me. He was right about it all, and yet I had to make him look like he was crazy for me to pull it off. I wished I could have just told him I was sorry for it all, that I truly didn't mean to, but that I had to if I wanted. Watching him fall off that bridge again, with me and Hyunjin on the other side, I'd just wished I could have convinced him even more, but sir was right. It was the only way for me to survive, to be the only one left.

Maybe I was thankful for Chan, for already having put the idea's into Hyunjin's head of me being evil, even if Hyunjin didn't believe them back then. That probably made it more believable for me to actually make him see me as the bad guy. I don't think I could have killed him if he still thought me to be a good person. I wanted him to hate me, to at least slightly lessen the pain, but I don't think that worked out either. "You know, my dear Y/N," he choked. "I don't blame you... for any of it. You were just trying to survive, like all of us were..." I could hear a chuckle, followed by a lot of coughing. "You're free now, Y/N. Go live the life you've always wanted," he'd said after all. If anything, that sounded like what I wanted love to feel like. Caring so much for a person that even after their betrayal, you wanted them to be happy. 

I could only wish Seungmin could ever forgive me as well, if he was watching me from up above.