Merlin's magic (Oneshots) 1

Regent 12

Arthur's memories chose strange times to remind him of his past.

"Leon and I will be working on the potion, soon.", said Merlin. Merlin always kept Arthur informed. Right now, he was sitting on his lap and drawing, while Leon pointed at random pages in the tome. Merlin had spend the past hour or so, explaining to Leon what the plants inside entailed. "You will be back home." Arthur remembered himself stopping in his drawings and looking up at Merlin. He felt... yeah, what did he feel back then?
Arthur had looked away, while Merlin placed a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"
Arthur closed his hands to a first around his pencil.
The drawing ... Arthur remembered it vividly: a little painting of a wizard who looked nothing like Merlin but was supposed to be him. He had no yellow colors because color was expensive, so he had written the name of the color over Merlin's eyes.

"Are you coming with me?" In hindsight, Merlin's gasp and the fear in his eyes made much more sense than they did back then.
Arthur didn't remember Merlin's reaction, since he had been staring at the parchment at the time, but he remembered Merlin's words. "I can't. You will have to go alone." He sounded pained. He wasn't lying.

Arthur cried.
It was one of the few moments that Arthur had allowed himself to cry. He was staring down at the parchment, while drops of water blurred his vision and the ink.
This memory was not a new one, actually. He had always remembered the parchment and the crying, but he could never make out the words. Instead, he would always hear his father talk to him and tell him to man up.

Merlin cursed under his breath and hugged Arthur tight. "I'm sorry. I really, really am sorry."
"I don't want you to leave."
Merlin had looked at Arthur then, held his face and shook his head. "I'm not, Arthur. I'm not. You are."
"But I don't want to leave."
Merlin hadn't said anything then. But Arthur knew Merlin enough to finally know what he had been thinking. 'I wish I didn't have to let you go.'

In Arthur's frozen state, he remembered this. He didn't know why, but he remembered it in clear detail now.

"Will I see you again?", Arthur had asked and Merlin had hugged him even more tight.
"Not even the gods could stop me."
They had stood there for a while, while Leon kept trying to pretend he were reading the tome. The thought of Leon looking so uncomfortable was funny now. Back then Arthur had found it insulting.
"I don't want to go back."
"I know." Because of course Merlin knew. Of course Merlin knew of the abuse, the trauma, the pain, the toxic masculinity, Arthur's insecurities, his fears, his weaknesses. Merlin knew it all.

Arthur had never been able to trust anyone. That's what Arthur had thought for a long time. But how stupid was that, really? He never once doubted Merlin. Never once thought of mistrusting him. Arthur had given him his kingdom. Arthur didn't question Merlin's life of crime. He excused his magic. He would excuse it, if Merlin murdered people, if he stole from Arthur, even if... even if he betrayed him.

Arthur felt his breath catch at that thought and he stared ahead against the tapestry, because what else was there to do? He couldn't move and couldn't speak, while Morgana was out there, getting her own child self defiled by that monster out there.
He didn't want to think about that.

And Merlin was always safe. In his mind and in his heart. Even when he considered that Merlin may hurt him, he knew Merlin would have his reasons. Arthur had never trusted anyone in his life. That was a fucking lie. From the very beginning, there was Merlin. There was always Merlin. And Arthur gave him everything.
In this moment, as Arthur finally let that sink in, he felt something settle.

Morgana could get herself killed, but there would always be Merlin.
Arthur could die here, but there would always be Merlin.
Camelot could fall, but Merlin - Merlin would never die.
Merlin was magic. It didn't matter if magic was evil or not, Arthur would chose whatever side Merlin was on.
It was a terrifying thought. But it was also a relief. Arthur's life had been unhinged and unclear and confusing his entire life. This one simple thing wasn't. And it was the very foundation of his world.