Psychotic Love (a mafia love story)

Chapter 42

ECHO'S POV

2 months later

Do you ever feel like you're watching your life unfold in front of you like a TV show? Like you're watching yourself in third person point of view. You see your body being violently abused, but you don't feel it. You open your eyes and things seem unreal, like a lucid dream you still can't seem to control. You detach yourself from your surroundings, reality, your person. You disconnect your mind from your being. You're up and running but you're on autopilot, like someone else, or no one at all is in control.

That's how it's been these past two months. Arturo will come into this room and an hour later I'll end up in his office with no recollection of what happened in that hour. It's almost as if I jump in time. I go through the motions, but my mind goes blank. It's like when you read a chapter word for word but when it's all over you have no idea what you read. That's what it's like when Arturo forces himself on me.

Dissociation, it's looked upon as something that needs treating, but at this moment, I don't see it that way. I've done it all my life. When situations get bad it is a defense mechanism for my mental. It's the only thing that makes time pass quicker, the only thing that keeps me from falling apart. For me, it has been a shield of protection.

When I was younger going through high school I would dissociate nearly every day. Of course, at the time, I didn't know I was dissociating. I didn't realize something was wrong with me until a friend kept trying to get my attention. I saw her, heard her, but I couldn't respond. I saw myself too, just sitting there, and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't communicate with her. After a while, I could talk to her, but I felt so detached from our conversation. My body was there, but I wasn't. She took me home and I remembered the whole ordeal but I couldn't see it how I normally saw memories. This was different, like recalling the events of a movie I watched.

I've never been diagnosed, though I know I'm dissociating. It's the only reasonable explanation. I always wanted to see a psychiatrist, but my parents never took mental illness seriously. When Ana took it upon herself to get help with her depression, my parents told her she had no reason to be depressed because she had everything. At first, I saw it like that too, but then things got really bad. She just became this completely different, closed-off person. Lies, drugs, secrets. I felt like I didn't know her anymore.

I thought Luca would have found me by now. Over my time here I've made a few connections. Romano is the man who threatened to sell me. His last name is Marchetti, just like Arturo. The two are related. Bothers, son and father, uncle and nephew? I don't know, but they are related. Luca is not dumb, why hasn't he checked the place where the man who threatened me probably lives?

The fact that he hasn't found me leads me to believe he is not looking for me. Maybe he was at that auction looking for a new girl to make his hostage. It's just a thought, but if I'm being honest, I just don't see Luca doing that. Under his rough exterior Luca can be kind and gentle. He's a sick individual, there is no doubt about that, but he has some morality.

Arturo breaks my groggy train of thought when he walks through the door of my prison. I look up at him, my head spinning in the process. He throws a water bottle and what looks like a sandwich in a ziplock bag at me.

"Enjoy it, you're not getting anything else until you're on the very brink of dying."

That's how it's been for these past two months. No water, unless I absolutely need it, no food either. I've gone weeks without food. My body has become weak and frail. My collarbones are more prominent than before and when touching my back, I can feel my spine protruding.

"I need to clean myself. I...I need feminine hygiene products, soon. Please?" I know my menstrual cycle is near. I can feel it in the tightness of my stomach.

Arturo signals for me to stand with his hand. "Come on, I'll get you what you need, and then I'll bring you back here."

I get up from the floor. I have the urge to cover my bare body, but Arturo doesn't like when I do that. It always results in him reminding me not to hide myself from him. My hands stay at my side in fear of a beating.

I walk in front of him. We leave the concrete room and enter into an open area of the basement. It's empty and the sound of our movement travels through the space causing echoes. I walk up the stairs and when we reach the top, I wait for him to open the door. When he does, we enter a nicely decorated hall.

We follow the red carpet with gold trim all the way to a room. I've only been able to shower about 4 times since being here. Neither of those times has been in this room.

Everything is red and gold. It's quite tacky, but I am not in the position to say so. The headboard of the king-sized bed sits up against the wall. A large flat-screen tv sits in front of it; a fireplace is underneath. A huge window allows sunlight to flood the room. The heat from it warms my cold and bruised skin.

He points to a closed white door. "Restroom's in there, I'll get you a couple of things, and uhh... you're going to stay here with me from now on."

That scares me more than staying in that basement. Being with him all the time gives him room to abuse me all the time.

"W-why?" I say softly. I don't want to push him, but I don't want to stay here with him.

His brows frown. "Are you questioning me? I don't think that's a good idea, little slut." He takes a step forward and I take one back.

I slightly shake my head. Tears threaten to spill as I make my way to the bathroom.

"Wait," he growls.

His voice makes me jump. I slowly turn around. His eyes are glued to my chest as he makes his way towards me. He turns me around. The sound of jingling keys makes its way from his pocket. He unlocks the collar around my neck.

I step away from him. Arturo harshly grabs my arm pulling me back. My eyes grow wide and they beam into his dark ones. My heart skips a beat as his grip grows tighter, squeezing healing bruises.

"You're forgetting something." His voice is deep. It growls and rumbles like thunder.

"Uhh...th-thank you?"

He roughly releases me, nearly pushing me to the ground. I enter the restroom. It's large. A huge and deep bathtub sits in the middle of the room and a shower is over to the left. I turn my head to the right. A big mirror above two sinks displays my reflection. I struggle to breathe as I take in my battered body. My ribs are showing and that pudge I used to cry about is gone. It's gone but not under my terms. I never thought I'd want it back.

I place my hand over my mouth to suppress my violent sobs. My eyes take in the new and healing bruises that litter my body. I place both my hands on the sink to give more support to my weakened legs. My cries echo throughout the bathroom. I don't try hiding them anymore.

Without warning, my legs give out from beneath me. I collapse onto the cold tile floor. My emotions splurge from my mouth.  I keep trying to stop the horrific noises from coming out of me, but it's like trying to keep myself from breathing. I need this. I need to let it out.

I look over to the door to see Arturo's shadow underneath it. I quickly pull myself together, before pulling myself up from the chilling floor. Every muscle in my body burns like I'm right above a fire. My head pounds from my crying. I push through, though. I always do. I will make it out of this.