22: Can't Turn Back The Clock

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February 1994

You know that little voice inside your head that says, "woah, easy there buddy, maybe this isn't such a good idea, maybe we should think twice about this?" Yeah

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You know that little voice inside your head that says, "woah, easy there buddy, maybe this isn't such a good idea, maybe we should think twice about this?" Yeah...I'm pretty sure I was born without it.

When I was thirteen me and Gareth decided we were going to egg the principles house. We got there with three cartons of eggs and I was ready to go. Somewhere along the line Gareth bitched out, citing said little voice in his head. Me? I unleashed egg fury on the house and Jim Hopper had to deliver me back to my uncle. Good times. Good times.

Anyways, my point is that I have this bad habit of acting first and thinking later. It's funny...but then it's not. It's made me into a real asshole. I used to wonder sometimes about my life. Bad things would happen to me and I'd ask, why me?

After what I did to Olivia the now clear and unequivocal answer is: because I'm a jackass.

More on that later.



When I was a kid I had this dog, Simon

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When I was a kid I had this dog, Simon. An adorable Scottish terrier that I loved to dress in red plaid. He was precious. My sweet sweet boy. But for some reason, nobody else liked him. They said he was mean. It's funny how when you love something so dearly...without even realizing it you start missing things. With Simon I missed how he always snapped at the mailman and growled at other dogs. I remember when I adopted him at the shelter he was sort of a terror, mean, aggressive. But the moment I got him home it was like night and day. It wasn't until he bit me that I started to see all the things I'd forced myself to ignore for such a long time. When he bit me it wasn't anything serious. A little nip. No blood was drawn, but it made me start to question everything.

And that's what happened with Eddie. You know how people say ignorance is bliss? Well, they were absolutely right. It is bliss. Or, was bliss. Following the award nominations life with Eddie was seemingly incredible. We went to parties together and even though we couldn't act like a couple, it was enough to just be in the same room as Eddie. I might not even get to talk to him because he was too busy doing the whole rockstar thing, but I was just happy to be there, regardless of if he didn't engage a ton with me there.

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