Infatuation | yungBlud

22

Luna Warrington

Home, home is a funny word to me right now as I wake up in a cold empty bed, a home isn't necessarily a brick building or a place with 4 walls to me anymore, home can be a feeling, place a song you listen to that sets your soul on fire.

But for me home is a person, and I've been without my home for a good number of weeks now. Him being in a coma or the early stages of locking me out before his potential overdose.

Each morning I wake up to a bland empty room, his belongings are here, the jumper I cuddle every night still has his comforting scent on it. But this isn't my home, the ghost of him haunts me in my memories as I sit and look around the room. I remember him bringing me out of my panicked states from when I would scream myself awake in my sleep.

The sweet comforting words he would whisper into my skin, whilst playing with my hair. The way he'd get way too hyper for tour and basically bounce around the room, like a kid hopped up on sweets at a disco, his loud laughter filling my ears and his bright smile making the room seem lighter.

I know he isn't gone but we are on the third week of him being in his comatose state now and my optimism is slowly fading, the doctor said he should wake up within a month give or take and you'd think I'd be over joyed but I'm fucking scared.

I'm scared to meet that 4 week mark and he shows no change and doesn't wake up, what if he sleeps for another month? A year? My brain can't handle it. The thought of him being so close to me, I can see him and touch him but he isn't really there.

I'm 14 weeks pregnant now, so 4 months the only thing keeping me sane right now is the life growing inside me, my tiny little bump I had before is a little more noticeable but easily hidden with a baggy t-shirt and baby b has upgraded from the size of a plum to a kiwi fruit.

These past 3 weeks have been the longest ones of my life, each day I wake up do the same routine, wake up at 6am dying from the heart burn I now have thanks to the baby, struggle to get back to sleep as my thoughts consume me. I plod my way down the stairs finding Ol or Adam asleep at the dining room table surrounded by scattered papers with notes on a trying to pin point who did this to Dom in the first place.

They started out like me in the first week super optimistic and raring to go, but as the days turned into weeks they just looked drained trying to hide the fact their leads have gotten them no where close to finding out who did this to Dom, they always tell me how this next person they're going to contact will surly be it trying to keep me hopeful but I can see straight through their fake smiles.

Usually I get up and groan because I can't have a coffee anymore, my early mornings making me read online pregnancy books and scaring the hell out of me, I'm so scared to loose this baby I will do everything I can to avoid them getting hurt even if the books say one cup of coffee would be fine, so I'll settle for a herbal tea instead.

After putting the kettle on I usually wake up a sleepy Adam or Ol sometimes both telling them to go to bed, they usually grumble before groggily heading upstairs and that's when I take my tea and watch the sunrise on the balcony.

I take this time to reflect and try push my heavy negative thoughts away, I try think of the positives in my life one being Dom's still alive, that night could of turned out very differently. He could of died and then I wouldn't have him at all, I think about how I'm safe around my family who are doing everything in their power to keep me going and doing their best to solve problems which are out of their hands.

At this point I don't even know how it would help to find out who would purposefully leak that video of Ol and Dom, they wanted them both to suffer and they got that. What would we even do if we found them? Would the police even help at all? I have so many questions about it all.