𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐬 | s. lopez + b. pierce

The Sue Sylvester Shuffle

a/n - trigger warnings for mentions of self harm, eating disorders, sue wanting to shoot a student out of a cannon...

Jayden wasn't gonna lie, she felt like an idiot as the Cheerios rehearsed their new routine in blue wigs. There was fire, dangerous bike stunts, and flips involved, and she was paranoid that the routine was a little too over the top.

"I'm bored," Sue spoke into the megaphone as soon as they were done. "Ladies, I am at a loss. Brittany, please remind me of how I single-handedly put cheerleading on the map."

"In 1979, you directed a made-for-TV movie about the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders called The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders," Brittany said.

"That is correct, and in the meantime, what's changed?" Sue asked.

"Global warming?" Jayden shrugged.

"Personal grooming habits?" Quinn guessed.

"What's changed is I have completely lost interest, and, ladies, I blame you," Sue said, pointing at the group of cheerleaders before turning to Becky. "Becky, more silicone falsies."

"Got it, coach," Becky said as she picked up a bucket and began to pass out raw meat to the other Cheerios.

"You will each enhance your bust with an additional pair of chicken cutlets in an attempt to add some jiggle to what is the most boring routine I have ever witnessed."

"But I'm a vegetarian," Jayden frowned as she looked down at the chicken cutlet Becky handed her, scrunching her nose with disgust at the smell and slimy texture.

"But Coach Sylvester, this is the most elaborate routine the Cheerios have ever done," Quinn said as she placed her hands on her hips. "We're shoo-ins at regionals next week, and the favorite to win at nationals."

"Yet I am still so very bored!" the cheer coach yelled into her megaphone before sighing as she placed it back down beside her. "Even things I used to think were hilarious. Case in point. Sandbags. Slap yourself with a chicken cutlet."

Santana rolled her eyes before slapping herself with the raw meat.

"Now slap Jayden."

"Sorry, tater tot," Santana whispered as she gently hit Jayden with the chicken, the smaller girl flinching at the contact.

"See? Not even a chuckle," Sue mumbled.

"The problem is you keep trying to make a bigger and bigger spectacle," Quinn said. "No matter how hard we try, we can't make a routine work unless you find a way to make it interesting for you. You have to find a way to top yourself."

"Q, you just may have a point," Sue said. "But to be sure, slap yourself with a chicken cutlet."

****

The New Directions were all goofing off in the choir room as they waited for practice to start when Artie wheeled in covered in slushie.

"Oh my god, Artie," Tina gasped as she, Jayden, and Brittany made their way over to him.

"Are you okay?" Jayden asked as she used the sleeve of Brittany's letterman to gently wipe the red slush off his face.

"It was awful," Artie shivered.

"That's it. Screw rehearsal!" Finn snapped as the boys stood up. "This ends here and now."

"We're gonna go all Thunderdome on those guys," Puck spat as they stormed to the exit, only to stop in their tracks when the football team walked in.