𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐬 | s. lopez + b. pierce

Twelve

a/n - trigger warning for talks of suicide (we all know how this episode is)

you guys know by now that i don't shy away from heavy topics like eating disorders, self harm, suicide, etc in my books. writing my characters with those problems helps me to cope with my own struggles while also raising awareness for it and helping others realize that that they're not alone.

just know that you're never alone, and if you ever need to talk, my dms are always open 💜

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Jayden, Leilani, and August sat in solemn silence during Wednesday's group therapy session. There wasn't a single soul at McKinley that hadn't heard about Karofsky's suicide attempt, and it affected some more than others.

In this case, the three teens sitting in this room all had their own experiences with the heavy subject of suicide.

"I just think it's kind of ironic when you think about it," August bluntly said, breaking the silence. "He bullied kids for being gay, and then when he finally got a taste of his own medicine he decided to take the coward's way out."

"August," Leilani gently scolded the older girl. "That's really insensitive."

"I'm just saying, he had it coming after how awful he was," August mumbled, shrugging. She then sighed. "But I don't think he should've done what he did...It's a miracle his dad found him in time to get him to the hospital."

"One day," Jayden shook her head. "He got harassed for one day."

"What are you girls feeling right now?" Eliza asked, clicking her pen to take notes.

"I'm mad," Jayden admitted. "I'm not even gonna lie. I'm really fucking mad. I get it, I do. Kids are mean, and I know what it's like to get picked on. But to give up after one fucking day?" She scoffed. "It's like Auggie said. He got a taste of what he had been doing and decided to end it all."

"I kind of feel sorry for him," Leilani sighed, wrapping her arms around herself. "I didn't know him or anything. He never really picked on me. But I saw how he was to others, and all I could think was, 'What is happening to this boy that's making him think he has to pick on everyone around him?'"

"Internalized homophobia," August stated. "He had a problem with everyone else being queer because he couldn't accept that he was as well."

"One. Fucking. Day," Jayden scoffed. "I got harassed my entire freshman year, and I never once–" Her sentence trailed off when she remembered something from their theatricality lesson.

"Are you okay, Jayden?" Leilani asked.

"Um..." Jayden swallowed the lump in her throat. "Um, this one time...I-I was in the bathroom with a blade, and...and I...I would've slit my wrists if Brittany and Santana hadn't found me in time to stop me."

"Do you remember what led you to feeling that way?" Eliza asked, her kind green eyes laced with concern.

"Azimio and Karofsky," Jayden mumbled, her ocean orbs filling with saltwater. "They...They beat up me and Kurt in the hallway because we were wearing Lady Gaga inspired costumes for that week's Glee Club lesson...I couldn't take it anymore and thought that was the only way out."

She used the sleeve of Santana's hoodie to wipe a few tears off her cheeks. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to meet Leilani's mocha orbs.

"I'm glad you're still here, JB," she said gently with a small smile.

"August, what about you?" Eliza asked the purple-streaked brunette.

"I don't really know how I feel," August shrugged, sighing. "I'd never wish suicide on anyone, regardless of if they were horrible to me...I was mad at first, then sad...then relieved when I heard that he was gonna be okay."