Memories

35

"It's normal to be angry lalo na at nasa katwiran tayo magalit. Napuno ka lang and nilabas mo lang ang nararamdaman mo, there's nothing wrong with that. So don't feel bad about yourself," sabi ko kay Mike at hinawakan ang balikat niya.

"Tita said that you need to fix yourself. Your Dad is coming," Charlotte said. Napahinga nang malalim si Mike at tumingin lang sa sahig.

Hinaplos ko ang likod niya habang si Charlotte naman ay hawak ang kamay niya.

"I think I should just stop playing piano," Mike said. Natahimik lang kami sa sinabi niya. Tumingin sa'kin si Charlotte at mukhang sinasabi niya na baguhin ko ang isip ni Mike.

"Well 'yan ba talaga ang gusto mo? Ang tumigil sa pagpa-piano?" tanong ko.

"I'm not looking at the Mike right now who's happy while playing piano, what I'm seeing right now is a kind of Mike who is confused and doesn't agree with what he says," dugtong ko pa.

"Hindi ka maaaring gumawa ng desisyon nang hindi mo pinag-iisipan nang maayos ang desisyon mo," sabi ko. Naguguluhan namang tumayo si Mike at tumingin sa'kin.

"Then what do you want me to do Ciel? I don't have a choice!" medyo tumaas na ang boses niya dahil na rin sa pagkalito.

"You don't have a choice because--" Hindi ko na naituloy ang sasabihin ko nang magsalita siyang muli.

"Because what Ciel? Because I didn't fight enough for what I really want? Ciel you didn't know what I went through para lang maipaglaban ang kagustuhan kong mag-piano, 'yung nangyari kanina between me and Mom? Walang wala pa 'yon sa pag-aaway namin ni Dad just because of that fucking piano! I did everything Ciel! I beg! But nothing happens, wala akong magawa kundi sundin ang gusto nila dahil ang reason nila is I'm still young, I'm still confused on what I really wants and Piano can't help me to grow and it will not give me a beautiful life. Did you see a single Piano around here Ciel? Wala 'diba? Because Dad throw them away just to stop me to play piano and to prove that he's right. And what power do I have to bring back those piano? To prove to them that I'm good at playing piano and I like it? None. I don't have a power to prove myself because they're not listening. No matter how good I am at playing Piano their eyes and ears are already close and their minds are already set on what they want for me and I can't change any of it unless I prove myself to them but to prove myself to them I need to be a person that they want me to be, and what right do I have to hate what they want? Nothing, because they don't see me as their son. They see me as a person na pwede nilang maipagyabang sa mga kakilala nila," mahabang sabi ni Mike. Nakikinig lang kami ni Charlotte sa kaniya habang nilalabas niya ang hinaing niya. Malalalim na paghinga ang binitawan ni Mike pagkatapos niyang sabihin iyon. Sa tingin ko ay dahil nalabas na niya ang kinikimkim niyang mga salita kaya malalim ang paghinga niya.

Wala kaming masabi ni Charlotte dahil mukhang wala na kaming magagawa dahil naka-set na ang future niya at ano ang magiging laban namin sa mga magulang niya na may napatunayan na habang kami ay mga estudyante pa lang? Si Mike nga na anak nila ay wala na siyang laban kami pa kaya na kaibigan niya lang.

Biglang may kumatok sa pinto ng kwarto niya at ilang sandali lang ay bumukas din ito. Bumungad sa'min ang lumuluhang si Mommy Janelle.

Nagulat kami nang siya ang iluwa ng pintuan. Wala siyang sinabi at dumiretso lang kay Mike at niyakap ito habang naluluha pa rin.

"I'm s-sorry Honey. Hindi ko alam na ito ang nararamdaman mo," umiiyak na sabi ni Mommy Janelle habang nakayakap nang mahigpit kay Mike.

"H-how would you know if you're not always here," nanghihinang sabi ni Mike. Hindi niya niyakap pabalik si Tita Janelle.

"That's why it's my fault anak, Im very sorry. Hindi ko inalam ang totoo mong nararamdaman. I shouldn't believe when you're telling me that you're okay. I'm sorry kung ngayon ko lang nalaman ang lahat ng ito, please forgive me honey." Hinaplos ni Tita Janelle ang likod ni Mike dahil umiiyak na rin ito dahil sa sinasabi sa kaniya ng Mommy niya.