The Limit (Sebastian Vettel)

26. Contemplation

Seb sat out on the decking behind his house watching the sun go down. He was deep in thought, so deep in thought that he didn't even notice the squirrel that had run down the trunk of the tree to his left and was now sat glancing at him curiously.

He was thinking of Lily.  Nothing new there, he was always thinking about Lily.  

He couldn't stop thinking of her kissing Daniel, of her in bed with Daniel.   He'd lost her and he had no one to blame but himself.    He'd thought more of protecting Sofia's heart than he had of Lily's feelings.   He was such an idiot.  

Had she really fucked Daniel?   It certainly looked that way.   He knew he'd been an arsehole when she'd texted him.  She'd said it wasn't what it looked like, but he hadn't given her a chance to explain what it was actually like.  

He'd wanted to call her, to text her, over the six days since he'd last seen her, but Sofia had accompanied him back to Switzerland, and he'd had no time, or at least that's the excuse he was telling himself.  The truth was he was a coward.  It was easier to think Lily had moved on than to know she was waiting for him while he slept with another woman. 

"Did you want a beer Sebby?" Sofia asked, appearing behind him and placing her hand on his shoulder.  He turned his head and looked up at her.  Why couldn't he love her the way she loved him? She was beautiful, but not a patch on Lily. 

Lily was everything he'd ever wanted.  He didn't love her though, he didn't know if he really, truly believed in love, but he wanted her more than he'd ever wanted a woman.  She made him want more than he'd ever wanted from a woman.

"Seb? Beer?"   He snapped out of his stupor and nodded.

"Yes please Sofia," he replied, turning his head to continue watching the sun go down. 

Sofia went back inside.   Seb took his phone out and brought up Lily's number.  He needed to speak to her.   He needed to hear her voice.  He hit dial but all he got was a woman's recorded voice telling him the number he had called was no longer in service.  

"Damn Lily," he murmured.  It had taken so long to get her number and now she didn't have it anymore.  He wondered why.  

Sofia reappeared and handed him a bottle of beer.  He thanked her and took a swig out of it. 

"I'm going to go and have a soak in the tub," she said.  "You can join me if you like."  He didn't reply.  Sofia turned and went back into the house again. 

Was there anyone he could ask about Lily?  Would anyone have her number?  Daniel? He didn't want to ask him.  If Lily and him were a thing now he didn't want to cause problems. 

Had she changed her number to avoid him? No, surely she'd have just blocked him. 

Liam.  Was it Liam?   Was that twat still bothering her? 

He began to think more and more about how he was going to end things with Sofia.  Even if Lily was lost to him he knew that he and Sofia had reached the end of the road.   It was kinder to let her go so she could find her forever love, he knew it wasn't him. 

It would be seven weeks the following day since her grandmother had passed away.   He knew he couldn't use her grief as an excuse any more to put off doing what had to be done. 

He decided that when they arrived at Maranello the next day he would book into a hotel instead of staying at Sofia's place.  Once they'd been to the factory he would take her for a drive and tell her. 

After he'd finished his beer he stood up and went back inside. 
He went into the kitchen and loaded up the dishwasher. 

After switching it on, he headed through to the lounge, passing his and Sofia's cases that were already in the hallway ready for the morning.