The Arrangement

Guilt

Siyabonga

Control. I had control. I've always had control. I don't know what changed. I've been pacing up and down this cell since I woke up. All I hear is his laughter in the back of my head. At first, he would help me cope with everything going on in my mind. That's how he came about.

Now, now it's like he wants full control. It's getting harder to control him. I need to speak to Baba. The heavy door latch twists and clicks, indicating that someone is coming in. I stood by the bars. Xola walked in. "Bafo, let me out please. I need to see her."  He punches me.

I stumbled backwards. "What the fuck Xola!" I growl, feeling angry.  "What the hell were you thinking Siyabonga! That's your wife! The mother of your children!" I spat out the metallic tasting saliva. 

"And you think I don't know that?! I have no control over this fucker!" As I said that, I heard him laughing in my mind. "Shut the fuck up!" I scream, banging on the bars. "Bafo, calm down! Calm down Siyabonga!" I hear the bars opening but my focus is on getting Butcher to shut up. I can barely hear or see anything.

I feel a weight on my back and two arms pulling my arms to my sides. "Stop!!!! Suka(move)!" I thrash around in futile attempts at freeing myself. I feel a needle in my neck before everything slowly blurs and my arms feel heavy. My eyes shut slowly and I feel my body letting go.

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Baba (Khethokwakhe Xhakaza)

We had Siyabonga restrained on the bed he was laid on. Seeing my second born child laying so helplessly on this damn bed made me feel weak. I felt like I was at my wits end. We had tried everything, from medication to therapy.  The last resort was letting him join the Black Ops.

I thought he could channel that anger and pain into something useful,  instead of that, I got a monster in return. I can never unlove my children. They are my pride and joy. I thought of how I'd introduce Sinokuhle to my wife and children, I had it all planned out.

What I never planned for was losing the woman I love to the job I love. I fell in love with Nokuthula 21 years ago, I was only a few years into my marriage with Aphindiwe (uMakaSiya). We had been having challenges with being married because just like Siyabonga's marriage, ours had been arranged too.

When I told Nokuthula about my marriage, she walked away from me to let me focus on my marriage and family. I was depressed, I couldn't function without her and Aphindiwe found out. I tried explaining to her that it was over but she wouldn't believe me so she tried walking away.

I threatened her with Siyaxola because he was already born. It was not my proudest moment but I had to do it. I couldn't loose her too. She hated me for a long time until she saw that I was willing to make things work with her. When Siyaxola was 3 years old and Siyabonga was only a month old, I went on a business trip and that's when I met Nokuthula again.

All those feelings I had hidden, they came rushing back. She refused me on so many occasions but I couldn't let her go. Not when she was so close to me. She eventually agreed to go out with me and that's when our relationship began to blossom but trouble in my marriage aroused. Bongamandla found out and straightened me out but it was too late.

I was in too deep. My affair with Nokuthula continued on until she gave me a beautiful baby girl, Aphelele Sinokuhle Mnguni. I wanted her to take my surname but I had to pay damages first and Nokuthula stopped be because she was afraid of Aphindiwe. Sinokuhle is my first born daughter. The apple of my eye, her and Sizakele are my only daughters and I will go to the ends of the earth for them.

I don't know how, but Hernandez found out about Nokuthula and Aphelele and he sent a hit on them. That's how my Nokuthula was killed and Aphelele had to live with us. It's not how I wanted things to happen but they have and it's best for my family to stick together and not fall apart. "Is he awake yet?" My lovely wife asked as she walked into the room.