The Arrangement

Living in London

After the short conversation I had with Sinokuhle,  I joined my grandparents in the livingroom. Nana had woken up by then. "So Scar, why is your name Scar?" Nana asked

"My real name is Skhumbuzo but I got the name Scar because of the long Scar on the back of my neck. It dmgoes down to the right and through my abdomen."

"Dear God! What happened? Who would do such a thing?"

"Bad people. But that doesn't matter anymore. They got what they deserve." That sounded more like a threat. "Nana," they turned to face me. "Yes dear"

"Id like to rest now if that's okay."

"Oh sure darling. Come along, I've kept your room just the way it was." I followed behind her. We got to my old room and nothing had changed. The queen sized bed still stood as the center piece in the middle of the room on top of a light pink and white fluffy mat.

The baby blue duvet sat at the foot of the bed as the light pink blanket covered my two munchkins. The continental pillows sat on the floor, kn either side of the bed. The white couch had the rest of the pillows and our luggage was at the end of the couch. The only thing that had changed was the walls which were now a white color instead of the powder blue and white I'd last seen them being.

"Answer me this..."

"Yes?" I faced Nana, "What happened to your arm?"

"I...uh...uhm..." I let out a fake yawn, "I'm tired Nana, can we re visit this conversation?"

"Fine. Enjoy your sleep." She walked out, closing the door behind her. I walked to the couch, sat down and grabbed the fluffy unicorn on my right. I held it to my chest and let the tears fall. I had never felt such pain in my life. It hurt to even breath and realization set in that no matter what, I would never get back together with Siyabonga. There was just too much hurt, lies, secrets and anger.

Our relationship was built over bets and family secrets. It was too damaged, even  from the get go. I vowed that this time, I'd stop wanting people to love me. I will love myself and my children. Everything I'd expect someone to do for me, say to me, give me, I'd do myself.

My tears were the last straw, I cried for my failed marriage and I accepted that maybe it was for the best. I took a shower and went straight to bed afterwards.

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When I woke up, it was around midday and I was in bed alone. I sat on bed thinking. The year had ended and schools were opening soon. I needed to register the kids for schools. I got out of bed, made it up and I went to take a bath. I came out and wore a long sleeved black t-shirt, dark washed blue flared jeans and my black boots. Lonfon weather is not child's play in December. 

I walked out after spritzing my perfume on and brushing my hair. When I got to the livingroom, I found Zothile and Kelvin curled up to my grandparents. "Mommy!" Kelvin noticed me first. "Hi Baby" I crouched down and he tackled me into a hug.

"Morning mommy" Zothile kissed my cheek. "Morning Love.  Morning everyone." I greeted as I came to sit down "So, Belle told us that she's a twin." Nana said, "Yes Nana, she is."

"Carry on..."

"Zoe-Anne passed away a few days after birth. There were complications." I said, trying not to cry. "Oh dearheart "

"Its okay Nana, she's still with us."

"She's in our hearts right mommy?" Kelvin asked. "Uh huh, she lives in our hearts baby." He smiled and cuddled up to me. His action warmed my heart.

"Children, cone along now. You need to bathe." Miss Mary called to the children. "Whyyy" Zothile whined. I just gave her the look that shut her up.  "Coming" Kelvin and her walked hand in hand, trailing behind Miss Mary. "Lend me your laptop please Pa-pa. " I said as soon as the children were out of earshot.