Divergent Attraction

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

N O V A

My pillow soaked with tears for three days straight. It's been three exact days since I told Miguel. Three exact days since I denied his proposal. And three days without speaking to him. The idea of it took some time to get used to. I don't know how many times I typed and deleted "I'm sorry" and "I love you".

I can't release the image of his eyes softening and water up like dam.

He didn't bother to ask who the guys was and I made sure to leave that part out. His poor soul that was ruined by me, still somehow pulled together to get down on one knee. Again.

He told me how his love for me is bigger than a stupid mistake.

But that's what gotten me. It wasn't only a mistake. I wanted it to happen, and I want to do so much more. I can't do that as a engaged woman.

I denied his second attempt of a proposal and gotten in the car. Ever since then I kept to myself. I only went to classes, my internship, then back in my bed to soak in guilt.

"She hasn't eaten in days." I hear my mother from outside of my room probably speaking to Stefanie. "Maybe you can try and speak to her."

"I'll try. But you know how stubborn she is." Stefanie replies.

The door creeks open, reveling my depression state. I stared at the wall on the other side of my room, imagining what my life would be like at this moment, If I would've said yes to Miguel.

I would probably be thinking about the save-the-date invitation design. Putting together my bridesmaid gifts and most importantly, I would've been happy with Miguel. He makes me happy.

For some reason, after waiting for him to propose I found myself wanting something less yet more. Something that not serious but sexual. In undergrad school, I never had that chance to explore and have fun. I used to get jealous when Stefanie would tell me about her amazing stories.

"When we were ten. We always said we wouldn't care about boys, and how dumb they are. They are a waste of grass and trees on the planet. We promised each other we wouldnt cry over them." Stefanie begins. "Now look at us, I have Dwayne who is a piece of shit and you have Miguel, or did. Yet we still love them."

I feel the bed sinking in as she cuddles me from behind. She pulls my hair out my face. "When did that ever mean we don't put ourselves first?"

Her question was honest and something to think long and hard on. I have to put myself first, that's most important. And what I want is to be free, focus on my career and not be bound to anyone or anything.

Somehow Stefanie's presence made me feel something. "You did what you had to do. There was no reason to pull him along when you obviously feel some type of way about Enzo."

"I don't feel any way about Enzo." I defend my lie. "I only liked how sexually pleasing he made me feel. I've been with Miguel for years and never felt like this with any other guy till now. That speaks volume."

"Ok. So you want to explore your sexual life. There's nothing wrong with that. You can't exactly do that while married or engaged can you?"

She reads my mind. There was no other like Stefanie. She was my other half for sure. Without her, I dont think I would've survived my childhood and new adult era. "You dont have to say anything i know i am right." She laughe, attempting to cheer me up.

I sit up from the bed, my hair drenched and frizzy from my tears. I huffed out a warm breath of relief. I thought maybe people would think i am a horrible person for saying no to Miguel. Instead, I shouldn't care about their opinions. I did this for me.