My Guardian Love

Chapter II

If you only had a few months left to live, what would you do? I have asked myself this question a million times and can never seem to answer it. Most people want money, vacation, or love, but I want peace. I want time to stand still for a while so I can finally breathe. I never thought I'd be here, writing a list of things I want to do before I die. Most people make bucket lists, but this doesn't feel like one. I don't have years to make these things happen, so I have to be realistic. Is it really only 4 months? Will I even make it that far?
"We're almost ready to leave. Is that a list?" My mom bursted through the door without warning and I quickly hid the paper. "Okay, I won't bother you any longer. When you're ready, We'll be in the car." She closed the door behind her. The only thing that was left was my shoes. Where did I put them? Once I found them, I was out the door and into the car.
"I'm sure your brother is very excited to see you." My dad looked through the mirror.
"He's probably mad at me. I haven't talked to him in a while and when he moved away, I didn't say goodbye." This was rough on everyone. I was reassured no one was mad, but sometimes I think they say it just because.
"You know this was hard on him. You're his little sister. He just wants you to be happy and healthy. I know the news wasn't easy for him to swallow." My mom said. I know this sounds selfish, but I'm the one sick. Imagine being told you are going to die in 4 months. I know this is hard on them, but I feel like I am taking this better than everyone else.
"I know. I just don't understand why he ran away from it. It wasn't fair. I needed him most and he bailed." Normally, my mom would tell me to stop being so hard on him, but she didn't.
"He didn't bail. He loves you more than anyone. I know it wasn't fair. You have every right to feel the way you do." She looked back at me, but I avoided it.

As we went down the street, I watched out the window. I found comfort in nature. I remember my mom saying "Everything that is beautiful, eventually dies." And that gave me peace. The flowers, the trees, and even the clouds will disappear one day. It is fate. We cannot escape our fate. We just have to find hope in it. When death comes, I'll be ready.
We arrived at Felix's house. He was 22 and a bit older than me by 2 years. It made me jealous. Because of my illness, I cannot live alone. So I never got to experience what it was like to be independent.
"I'm so happy to see you." Felix gave me a hug.
"I was going go call this morning, but I assumed you already knew." This conversation feels weird.
"I did. Mom called me. If you're hungry, please help yourself to anything. If you need help with anything, let me know." He smiled.
"I'm sick, not disabled. I promise, I can do it." I laughed. This time it was genuine. Being around him always made me feel better about everything. For a moment, I forgot I was dying.
"So I heard treatment is going well. Do you think you're out of the hospital for good?" Obviously, I did not, but I'll lie.
"I think so. The scans were clean."
"She's getting so much better. I think she might actually be fighting this." My dad laughed.
"Hopefully, you're fighting it well. You're stronger than you think you are." Felix sat down and handed me a picture. "I took this a few months ago. I figured you would want it." It was the picture we took the day before I was diagnosed. I've missed so much time being in the hospital, I forgot what it was like to feel normal. Without everyone breathing down my neck.
"Oh my, I forgot we took this. This seems so long ago." It really did seem like an eternity.
"Also, is there anything you want to do?" He said.
"Of course, there is." I don't want to do things out of pity, but my time's limited. "I made a list of things I would like to do while I am able." I handed him the list.
"I promise, we will do all of these. I don't like talking about it, but I want to help you forget that you're sick." He grabbed my hand.
"Nothing's going to help me forget I'm sick. That's not how it works." I laughed a bit at his ignorance.
"I just want to get it off your mind." He giggled.

After catching up, I decided to take a walk. I wanted to see the flowers again. Fresh air was my favorite these days. I don't get it a lot so I cherish it when I do. I always find a way to sneak off outside. No one lets me walk alone anymore, so I have to be careful. My illness is so bad that I can collapse at any moment without feeling any pain beforehand to warn me. Today was a hard day though, so I needed some time.
As I walked, I named every flower along my path. I watched as a butterfly fell to them and flew away. When I die, I want to be reincarnated as something beautiful. Something like that butterfly or a flower. I wonder if it's possible to be a flower. If not, I definitely want to be something more than just this. More than human. I want to have a purpose.
Suddenly, I heard a weird ringing in my ears and my body started to go limp. I collapsed on the sidewalk, desperately trying to scream for help, but I couldn't talk. I fear that one day, this will be how I die.

"She's barely breathing! Call the hospital!" I felt someone shake me, but I was too weak to move. "We can't wait that long! She's going to die!" Am I dying? Is it really this soon?
"Get her in the car." My brother carried me all the way. I was in and out of consciousness while I laid limp in the seat. Desperately tried to move my fingers, but I was stuck. If this is what death feels like, I fear it.
"Get her to the room! We need oxygen!" I was on a cart being wheeled away. This happens a lot so I'm not scared. "She can't breathe on her own. She needs fluids." I heard the doctors say as my eyes opened. "She's awake!" They checked my eyes with a bright light. I hate that light.
"Is she going to be okay?" My dad was worried.
"We think so. She needs to be on oxygen for a bit. Can I talk to you outside?" They stepped out. I couldn't hear the conversation.
"You're going to be okay. It's only temporary." Felix grabbed my hand. He was crying, but I couldn't move to comfort him. I fear that I'll never be able to move and I will forever be in this state. I have no hope for myself. I know that things will never get better. My fate is sealed for eternity.