My Guardian Love

Chapter XXII

(TW: mentions pills)

I drove myself crazy trying to bring Chan back to me. I was only seeing him in my dreams. It was the same dream over and over again. We said the same things without missing a beat.
I locked myself in my room, I was barely eating. I resorted to sleeping pills to see him all the time. I was slowly slipping into insanity.
I laid down in my bed to take a nap, to get some satisfaction upon seeing him. I drifted off to sleep. I wake up in the same white room every time, but this time, I wanted to change the script. I needed a clue.
I walked around for hours, looking for Chan.
"Do I know you?" His voice echoed behind me.
"Chan!" I ran up to him, hugging him tightly.
"How'd you get here?" He hugged me tighter, like he always did.
"I need your help." He almost seemed confused. This wasn't our normal conversation.
"I can't help you. You're not allowed to change the script." He backed away, looking around him. "You need to go, now."
"I don't understand this. I need to bring you back!" He started disintegrating. "Chan?"
"They'll erase me if you don't leave. Please go. I'll find my way back to you, I promise." I didn't want to leave him there. He was alone and in pain, but I had no choice. I ran down a long hallway until I found a door. I walked through and it lead me to Chans garden.
"That's it! I need to lead him here without changing our interaction." I woke up in a cold sweat, hours later.

I stayed in my room reading books for hours at a time. The fantasy ones were my favorite. They remind me of Chan, so I keep reading.
"Come eat dinner." Felix knocked on the door.
"I'm not hungry." I turned over and laid on my side.
"You need to eat. I haven't seen you come out." He slipped a note under the door. "Please, Nina."
I got out of bed, picking up the note. It read, "I know things haven't been easy for you and I know you're scared. I may not understand who you're searching for, but I feel it in my heart that you loved them dearly. Please come out. We'll suffer together, just don't do this alone." Tears formed in my eyes. He was so soft spoken and so caring. I had been so selfish that I never wondered how it made him feel.

I came out for the first time in days. I sat at the table and he never said a word. He smiled the whole time.
After dinner, I went to the bathroom, Felix following behind. "Please don't lock yourself away again." He grabbed my hand.
"I'm sorry for worrying you. I know you care, but things are difficult right now." I patted his shoulder and went to shower.
When I got out, he was waiting by my bedroom door. "I want you to be okay. Please talk to me next time." He walked away. This wasn't fair to him at all. He shouldn't have to suffer with me. I wanted to shut everybody out, but I cannot do that to my best friend.
I laid in bed, hoping to fall asleep on my own. I was too anxious and the pills helped. I took a few and my eyes slowly glued together on their own.
When I woke up, I was in the same place. It was the same dream I had been having for days, but this time I changed nothing. Instead, I slowly walked him to the door, still holding the conversation.
"Where are we?" We went through the door. I never answered, anything I say could cause me to lose everything. "How are you getting here?" As soon as the door shut, I knew to talk.
"My mind is stronger than your existence. You don't have to be in that boring white room anymore." I smiled.
"Even if this did work, I won't remember you." He caressed my face.
"It's okay because I'll remember you. I will teach you everything about me again." I leaned into his hand.

I woke up, tearing apart my room to find my phone. The contact still wasn't there. I felt as if I had lost. It was the only thing I knew to do and now, I'm clueless.
I went downstairs to grab breakfast before heading to the hospital. Although I'm not sick, I still get check ups just in case.
As I walked in the doors, my ears started to ring, my nose was bleeding, and my knees felt weak. There was a voice, in my head, repeating "Too close."
The nurses rushed me to a room. As I laid on the stretcher, I caught a glimpse of Chan walk by me. I wanted to call out, but I couldn't.
When the ringing stopped, I got up from the bed and searched the hospital. He was gone, but he existed. I wasn't allowed to get close to him, but I could watch him from afar.

While leaving the hospital, I followed him around, keeping my distance. I wanted to go up to him, but how could I? I got violently ill every time I tried.
I couldn't stand it anymore, I walked closer, testing my luck. He turned around. "Do I know you?"
"Stand right there." I paused trying to find an excuse. "I'm not allowed to get within 5 feet of anyone. Doctors orders." I laughed.
"Don't make me repeat myself."
"You don't know me, but I know you." He glared at me. His soul was cold and there was no love left in his heart. "My names Nina."
"Okay, Nina." He said, sarcastically. "I got to go." As he walked away, I called out.
"Why don't we grab lunch sometime? It's on me!" I smiled.
"As long as you're paying, princess." He walked away with his hands in his pocket. It took everything in me not to run up to him, but this was for the best. I'm going to change my fate, even if it means, I'll be ill again. As long as I get to love him, he was worth dying for.