My Guardian Love

Chapter XXXVIII

For the next few weeks, me and Sam hung out consistently. He never flirted with me once and gave me space. He instantly became my comfort person in this madness.
With Chan disappearing out of nowhere, me being so far from Felix, and Ha-ri leaving every weekend to see him, I found myself leaning on him.
We were together every moment of the day. I actually enjoyed being with him. Knowing he wouldn't disappear put me at ease. I loved Chan, but it was so much easier with someone just like me. Someone who was mortal like I was.

The following day, me and Sam decided to take a trip. I needed a vacation. I needed to come to terms with the fact that Chan was not coming back this time. I wasn't seeing him in my dreams anymore, it was like he never existed in the first place.
I packed my bags and met Sam at the airport. "You ready to go?" He smiled.
"Absolutely." I nodded. We caught our flight to Salem, Massachusetts. I wanted to see their halloween museums and Sam was a huge fan of all things scary.
When we landed, we walked down the streets. I pointed out the fallen leaves and the decorations. We laughed the whole way to the hotel.
When I got there, I threw myself down on the bed. "Ugh! I am exhausted." Sam sat next to me.
"We can see everything tomorrow. Why don't you get some rest." He caressed my head.

The next morning, we got up early to go see the exhibits. They had tons lined out on the streets. "Look at that!" I squealed while pointing at everything. Sam giggled. My arm was locked with his as I walked.
We stopped for ice cream at a truck parked outside. "That one!" I pointed to an option.
"Here you go, pretty lady." The man said, handing me the cup.
We walked some more until our feet got tired. We rested on a park bench.
"Are you having fun?" He turned to look at me.
"So much fun." I leaned into him.

We decided to stop at an amusement park. I had been avoiding them considering it was something me and Chan went to most days, but I was getting better. It had been a month and I was finally learning to let go.
I no longer felt on edge. I was relaxed knowing everyone I loved would still be here when tomorrow arrived.
I suggested a roller coaster, but Sam was hesitant. "I don't know, Nina." He pulled away.
"It'll be fun! Let's go!" I grabbed his hand, dragging him with me.
When we got on, he was shaking and breathing heavily. "I got you." I held his hand, tightly.
As the roller coaster went up, he was trying to pace himself.
"You've got nothing to be afraid of. I'll be with you the whole time." I smiled, interlocking my arm with his.
As we went down, he screamed the whole time and I couldn't help but giggle.

When getting off, his legs were shaky and his face was turning a seasick green color. He stumbled as I caught him. "Let's sit down. You're about to throw up." I walked him over to a bench.
He bent over a trashcan as I rubbed his back. "Let it all out. You're okay." He buried his face deeper.
He looked up at me and pulled me into an embrace, burying his head in my neck. "I can't do that again. I'm sorry."
"You don't have to. We'll ride something else." I petted his head. "How about this one?" I pointed to a much slower ride, the farris wheel.
"That works." We walked over to it, talking to the man in front. "Two seats please."

We hopped on, it was just the two of us. We sat in silence, looking out of the windows.
"This is really nice. Thank you so much for this." I smiled.
"You seemed like you needed this." He sat closer to me. "Nina."
"Mhm." I turned.
"I know it's only been a month and this must have been so hard for you." He scooted closer. "But I really like you."
I paused. "Sam, I." He cut me off.
"You don't have to say it back. It's just how I feel about you." We sat in silence for the rest of the time.

When we got back to the hotel, I kept thinking about what he said. It was obvious he liked me and maybe I liked him too, but not like that. I was still holding onto hope that Chan would come back one day.
I still loved him and it would be cruel to Sam for me to waste his time.
"Sam, can we talk?" He leaned up from his spot, nodding his head. "You know I can't be with you, right?"
"He left you without any contact Nina. You've got to move on." He reached for my hand.
"You're being mean, stop that." I pulled my hand away. "I cannot love you because I love him. Until my love for him disappears, this isn't going to work." I stood up, but he grabbed me.
"You're being delusional." He held my wrist.
"Let go of me!" I pulled. "I'm catching the first flight back tomorrow. I thought you were going to respect my boundaries this time."
"I tried, but you make it so hard. You can't lean on me like that and expect me to assume you don't like me!"
"I'm doing everything I can!" I cried. "I'm sorry for leaning on you, that was my mistake." I grabbed my things and left.

As I walked out in the pouring rain, I found myself holding back every tear I had. My throat developed a knot and I was all choked up.
The rain was cold and I was all alone this time. I was thousands of miles away from home.
I kept walking, unsure of where I was going. I ended up by the water. I stared down at my reflection, as I let everything go.
I sobbed uncontrollably as I squatted down. I wanted comfort, I didn't want to be alone this time.
I screamed my lungs out as the rain fell harder. I was struggling to catch my breath.
When I was done, I stood up walking back to the hotel. It was dark and I was lost. I looked through my purse for my phone as I kept walking when I bumped into someone. "I'm so sorry!" I bowed. I looked up to see Chan.
"There you are, princess. I'm so sorry I'm late. I was looking everywhere for you." He smiled.