My Guardian Love

Chapter XXXII

For days, I couldn't stop thinking about those flowers. I was seeing them in my dreams. Something was going on. Something was just not right this time. It had been a while since Chan regained his memories, but it had also been a while since I had seen my father.
I clearly defied him and he just let it go? None of this was right. Something felt off. Everything was normal, but I could feel it. I needed answers, but I couldn't tell Chan. He would worry about everything and it would put him on edge. He finally felt normal. I couldn't take that away.

I decided to get some answers, but from my father. I walked downstairs, grabbing my shoes. Felix was already at work so he wasn't there to stop me.
I was on my way. I walked down the street, steering clear from the flowers along my path.
My curiosity got the best of me, I touched one. It slowly turned to dust in my hand. Everything I touch dies.

I walked up to the front door, hesitant to knock. "Can I help you?" A voice said behind me. I turned around to see my dad staring at me. "Why are you here?"
"Why is everything dying?" I didn't clarify. He knew what I was talking about.
"I have no clue what you're talking about."
"Yes, you do. Why does everything I touch, die?" He smirked.
"Those flowers represent him." He stopped.
"Who?"
"Chan. You are slowly killing him by loving him." He walked closer to me.
"You're killing him. Not me." I stood my ground.
"If you don't leave him alone, I will make you." His eyes were cold. Colder than I remember.
"Do it." I walked away.

When I got to the house, I was frightened. I couldn't lose him again. This time, if i lost him, I'd lose myself. He was a part of me. He has followed me in every life so why can't I love him in this one? He's taking care of me like he's supposed to so why is this so bad?
I decided to take a walk to clear my head. I sat on the sand by the water. My knees were up to my chest, I sobbed silently.
Why does this have to happen to me? Was I doomed from the start? Is this always going to be my fate? There were so many questions running through my mind at once.

I heard footsteps behind me. I tensed up when I felt a hand on my shoulder. "I thought I'd find you here." It was just Chan.
"Were you looking for me?" I stared ahead.
"Why are you out here alone?" He put a strand of hair behind my ears.
"I've been having strange dreams." I didn't want to tell him, but I couldn't leave him in the dark.
"What kind of dreams?"
"Everything I touch dies." I kept it short. "I wilted those flowers at the park." His eyes widened.
"By touching them?"
"Yes. They died in my hands and I'm afraid that's going to happen with you." I stood up. I was scared.
He stood up. "That's not going to happen." He was trying to calm me down.
"I'm killing you! He said so." I looked down at the ground.
"Who said?" He grabbed my hands.
"My dad." I looked up, tears filled my eyes. "He said that you'll die if I keep loving you."
"Then keep loving me. I don't care, as long as I don't lose you. I'd die for you." He wiped my tears. "Remember that? I said I'd burn for you. If I have to die in order to love you then it's worth it." He kissed me before dragging me to the car.

When he dropped me off, I knew what I had to do. "I will always love you. If something ever happens, please be born again and find me." I hugged him tightly before waving good bye.
I ran upstairs, pulling out a piece of paper and a pen. I wrote a note that read, "By the time you read this, I'll already be gone. I'm so sorry that I didn't get the chance to say good bye. There's something I have to do. I promise I'll be back. Take care of yourself and wait for me." The tears landed on the paper as I folded it up and put it on the kitchen table. I packed my bags and left.

I walked to a subway station and got on. I didn't know where I was going, but it needed to be far away. I fell asleep midway and woke up 3 hours away from home. I got off and decided to find somewhere to stay.
I had brought all the money I had been saving ever since I was a kid. It was enough to get me by while I found a job.
I settled for some cheap apartment that was small. It wasn't the best, but it was good enough for now.
I laid my stuff on the bed, unpacking everything I had and put them into drawers.
I laid down, exhausted after hours of cleaning and organizing. My eyes slowly closed as I fell into a deep sleep.

The next morning, my phone was ringing off the hook. I declined every call, turning my phone off. It was best to not see the calls. I would be tempted to answer them.
For the next few hours, I job searched. I settled for a nice job at an editing company.
I was given a schedule and a phone number to contact them.
I walked home, taking in the fresh air. Although this was hard, I felt at peace knowing nothing bad was going to happen to Chan now. He was safe. Even though I couldn't see him, it was enough to know that he was alive. All I had to do was wait this out. I needed him to stop loving me. I needed him to forget me.