My Guardian Love

Chapter IV

When we die, where do we go? I'm sure it's beautiful to make up for our sorrows on earth. But I wonder if we get to meet the people we love again. Like a reunion when we finally get to the end. I bet it's warm, silent, and comforting. A lot of people fear death, but I've found myself comforted by death. He's been with me my whole life and will continue to be with me, when I die. How cruel it is to love someone death can touch.
"Miss, it's time." The doctor came in.
"Mhm." I stood up from my bed and walked with her to the treatment room. I have done this multiple times, but it never gets any less scarier.
"I know this is hard on you and I'm sorry." She said as she put in the fluids and prepared me for my scans.
"You get used to it. I've done it for so long, I forget how scary this must be for others." I held my arm out for her.
"You're very brave and you are so strong." She smiled. "We'll get these scans over with and get you back in your room." I laid under a big scanner that checks my brain activity. It doesn't hurt, but the noise freaks me out.

On my way back to my room, I bumped into someone. "I'm so sorry." It was him. "I didn't see you standing there."
"Ah no worries!" He gave me a smile. "Did the scans go well?"
"Yeah, nothing got worse so I guess I'll take it." I giggled.
"That's amazing! Also my mom brought over some food, but I can't eat it all." He pointed at the bag. "Would you like to have some? You must be hungry."
"No, thank you. I don't get hungry anymore."
"You still need to eat. Come sit down with me." I was hesitant, but walked into his room.
"Thank you for this." He laid out the food.
"Anytime. Let me know when you get hungry, I'll keep you well fed." He laughed. I didn't have anyone that I was close to so it felt nice to have this even if it was for a brief moment.
"I'm sorry if this is rude, but what are you here for?" I know I shouldn't ask.
"I don't think it's rude. Well, I have a brain tumor." My heart sunk. We had the same thing.
"I also have a brain tumor. I actually don't have long to live." I hate telling people that. I don't want pity.
"Then it's settled. We will live long, healthy lives. We're going to get better." He grabbed my hand for a second and smiled. I had heard those words a lot, but never from someone who knows what this feels like. For a moment, I believed I would get better. He gave me hope that this will pass.

As time passed, I felt more at ease. We talked for hours until my brother came. "I was stopping by!"
"This is my brother, Felix." I pointed. "Felix, this is Chan. We were having lunch."
"Nice to meet you. She is so stubborn these days. We can never get her to eat anything." He laughed.
"She turned it down once, but I begged."
"You did not beg. I was being polite." I laughed a bit. He was very kind and seemed so genuine.
"You need to come lay down. It's getting late." Felix grabbed his jacket off the chair.
"I probably should." I stood up. "Goodnight." I smiled at Chan.
"We'll eat together tomorrow!"
"Mhm." I nodded my head and left.

As we got to the room, Felix asked a lot of questions. "Who was that?"
"I met him yesterday. He's here for the same thing I am." I looked down at my book.
"How old is he?" He asked in a firm tone.
"I don't know. I never asked." I kept on reading.
"How'd you meet?" He's so overprotective, it's exhausting at points.
"Good lord, Felix. He's just another patient. There's nothing going on, I swear." I closed my book and let out an annoyed sighed.
"I'm just making sure. I care about you enough to ask these questions. There's no need to get angry." He leaned back. "I'm sorry if I'm prying, but I just don't want you to hurt anymore than what you are right now."
"Nothing's going to happen. Besides, I only have three months left. I can't fall in love that easily." I reopened my book and giggled. He hated when I brought that up, but I enjoy doing it.
"Oh my god, can we not mention that?" He put his hands over his face and leaned forward. I laughed silently. "You think it's funny?"
"Just a little." I demonstrated with my hands. "Come on, if i can't make jokes about it, i'll go crazy."
"Joke with someone else about it. I don't like that your life is on the line." He whined.
"Okay okay. How about I joke about it with my new friend?" God, I'm really testing his patience today.
"Anyone other than him?" I smiled at him and he instantly rolled his eyes at me.

After he left, I opened the windows. Just like I do every night. Hospital air makes me sick, plus the air feels nice to let in. Today I didn't do my daily screams and curse God. "When I die, can you make sure Felix doesn't feel any pain?" I think about him more than myself. I know once I am gone, he'll give up on everything. I want him to live normally and do all the things I couldn't do. "Make sure he eats well, sleeps well, and takes care of himself." The mere thought of him being lost was enough to make me want to live. Its not that I wanted to die, I just want to get this over with. I want to live so badly. I want to grow up with Felix and visit my mom after work. I want to be here for my dads jokes and the way he supports everything I do. I want it all, not in another life, but in this one. "I want to live. I want to get better. Please, give me a chance."
Whether I live or die, I'm sure i'll always regret not doing the things I want. If I am given a chance, I'm afraid i'll lose hope again. It seems that the rain always falls on me and I never have anything to shield myself with.