My Guardian Love

Chapter XI

I felt so insensitive, but this was all so soon. I'm still a kid. I shouldn't be writing a will right now. This is unfair and so cruel.
As I stared at the ceiling, I got a call from Chan like he promised. "Hi." I was dull.
"What's a matter?"
"They want me to write my will, but I'm not ready." I turned to my side.
"I wrote mine a few days ago. It's hard, but it's one less thing that I have to worry about."
"Do you think I'm being insensitive?" I asked.
"No, I don't. This isn't easy for anyone. You can write it when you're ready. Think about it." I smiled. He was so caring and always pushed me to take my time.
"Thank you. I'm avoiding my family because of it. They're probably mad, but I'll get to it when I want to." I sat up.
"They won't be mad for long. Your will doesn't have to be long. So don't overthink it, you got this."

We talked for hours over the phone about everything yet nothing at all. About our dream lives and what we would want if we had a choice to live. I had never shared this with anyone. Sharing it with Chan makes everything just a bit easier.
"It's getting late. I'll spare your time so you can get some rest." He said.
"Alright. Goodnight, sleep well."
"Goodnight, Nina!" I hung up the phone and laid down on my bed.
He's right. My will doesn't have to be long. I'm not sure what I want to be in it. Who's going to get my stuff? I had no friends other than Felix and there's not much he'd he want in here. I could give my stuff to my mom, but I don't think she'd want it.

The next morning I sat down with a pen and paper figuring out the words to put down. I couldn't stand the thought of writing this which is why I put it off for so long, but I don't have much time. This needs to be finished.
As I started writing, Felix knocked on the door. I quickly hid the paper. "Come in."
"Look, I want to apologize for last night. They came here to find you and insisted on waiting."
"It's not your fault. I know I need to write it, I just need more time." I stood up, pushing my chair in. "I promise, I'll write it soon. I'm working on it." I patted his shoulder and walked past him to go downstairs.

When I got downstairs, I quickly took a shower and made myself breakfast. "I could've made you something. I just have to get to work early today." Felix said as he walked downstairs.
"No, it's okay! You better get to work. You wouldn't want to be late." He hugged me tight and walked out the door.
I sat on the couch watching my favorite shows for hours. I had nothing else to do. I waited for Chan to call even though he never said he would.
As I waited a bit longer, my phone dinged. "Would you want to meet later tonight?" It was Chan.
"Where are we going?" I replied.
"I'll pick you up at 8. It's a surprise." Felix would kill me if he knew I wanted to go.
"I trust you. I'll see you at 8!" I put my phone back on the table and immediately ran upstairs.

Picking outfits were hard especially when you're trying to impress someone. I knew it got cold at night so I wanted something warm and comfortable, but nothing boring.
After throwing every piece of clothing I had on the bed, I found the perfect one.

It would keep me warm and I wasn't too overdressed especially since it wasn't a date. I laid my clothes out on the bed and hung the rest back up.
I laid in bed thinking about Chan. He was on my mind every time I tried not to think about him. I could never come to terms with the fact that I may have fallen for him. He was kind, gentle, and he cares so much about everything I say. Every time I see him, there's angel numbers everywhere. As if it were a sign, but was love really worth it? Especially in a short amount of time?

Later that night, I got dressed and told Felix where I was going. " I know this is short notice, but I'll be home later." I tried walking out the door.
"Hold on. Where are you going?" He sat up from his bed.
"I know it's late, but I'll be with Chan. I promise I'll come home in one piece." He stood up and grabbed his keys.
"I'm going with you."
"No, you're not. I am an adult. I can go by myself." I held him back from going out the door.
"I don't know this guy." He fought me.
"Don't be ridiculous, you've met him many times." I pushed. "When did you get this strong? Good lord."
"You're just weak and I'm going with you."
"Please stay here. I'm not a kid anymore. Don't make me pull my death card." I pointed at him.
"Okay, fine. If you're not home by 11, I'm reporting you as missing." He laid his keys on the table and sat down.

I walked out the front door and met Chan as he pulled in. "You always dress so nicely!" He yelled from the window. I smiled and got in the passenger side. "I was expecting to see you in pajamas." He laughed.
"I was coming to see you so I didn't think that was appropriate." I stared at him and rolled my eyes, sarcastically.
His clothes were always nice.

He wore those same black shoes every time.
When we got out of the car, he opened my door. "I can open my own door, you know?" I giggled.
"I know, but you shouldn't have to. Let me do it." My cheeks were flushed and my ears were blood red. He knew what he was doing when he said it. It's like he does it on purpose.
"I swear, you tease me on purpose." I got out of the car.
"Maybe I do." He suddenly got close to me. "Or maybe you like me." We stood there for a while. I wanted to lean in, but quickly pulled away.
"Stop that. What's the surprise?" I smacked his shoulder.
"Close your eyes." Before I knew it, his hands were covering my eyes as we walked. When suddenly he opened them. There was a picnic blanket set up.

"Chan." I turned around to look at him. "This is so sweet of you. I've never been on a picnic before." I smiled.
"Sit down." He sat right next to me.

Hours went by. We talked about everything like we normally do. "I hate to bring this up, but how's that will coming?" I gulped at the sound of it. "I'm sorry, we won't talk about it."
"No, it's okay. I actually tried to write it today. I didn't get anywhere." I looked over my shoulder. The mere thought of writing it made me tear up.
"There's no rush." He put his hand around my shoulder. I was crying silently while looking away from him. "What's wrong?" He rubbed my back.
"I want to live." I whispered. My whisper turned into a scream. "I want to live so badly." I sobbed. "I want to be with Felix. I want to live forever with you." He pulled me into his arms without saying a word. I sobbed loudly for the world to hear. For God to hear. Maybe he had a heart to hear my cries. "I want to live with everyone I love."
"Me too. I want to live forever with you." He patted my back as I sobbed some more.

When we got home, I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to sleep it off and hope that all of this is a dream. When I stepped inside, I went straight upstairs. I grabbed a pen and paper. I knew exactly what I wanted. "Do what you want with my stuff. Just make sure Felix lives a long life." I wrote. I folded it up and stuck it in my desk. I wanted nothing more than to see him go on without me.