My Guardian Love

Chapter VIII

The next morning, I felt bad for the way I reacted towards Felix. I know he was just worried, but none of this is fair. Why should I have to waste away in here until I die? He promised I could do anything I wanted, but now it seems like I can't do any of that.
I had prepared some lunch for Chan. Normally he has it ready, but I thought he'd like this more. As I went downstairs, Felix stopped me at the door. "Look, I'm really sorry for the way I acted. You know I'm just worried, right?" Of course I did.
"I'm not mad at you." I rubbed his shoulder. "You have every right to act that way. I don't blame you for lashing out at me." I smiled and gave him a hug. "I'm going to go to the hospital. I promise, if anything happens, I'll be safe." He hated that I was going alone, but I needed to do this.

As I walked through the doors, I greeted the nurses. "Hello!"
"You aren't sick again, are you?" The nurse stood up to assist me with my bags.
"Of course not! I'm here to visit." I smiled and assisted that I can carry my own bags. "I got it."
As I walked towards the room, the door was open. The bed was made and it looked like he had been discharged. As I made my way to the front desk, I was stopped. "Sorry about that! Did I worry you?" Chan grabbed my arm from behind.
"Not at all! I thought you were discharged. I was actually thrilled." I laughed.
"Nope. I am bound here for the rest of my life." We often make jokes like this to cope. I can't use them around anyone else. They get sensitive which I don't blame them for it.
"Me too. I'm sure this is just a short visit home. I'll be back soon!"
"I hope you never have to come back. You deserve a healthy life." This was the first time he had said something sentimental without laughing and joking around. There's something about him.
"I brought some food as well! I cooked early this morning with Felix. If there's any leftovers, you can have it." I handed him the bag.
"Thank you so much. I'll never go hungry again." He giggled.

We sat on the bed and ate our lunch while talking about the never ending adventures we wanted to go on. "What's one thing you want to do before you die?" He looked up from his food.
"I want to go to the beach. Surprisingly, I've never been. I've been too sick to go." I had only seen it in pictures, but never experienced it in person.
"I promise, one day we'll go together." He smiled and continued eating.
"What do you want to do before you die?" I raised my eyebrows.
"Besides going to the beach with you," he giggled. "I want to go to an amusement park. You should come with. I'm sure it's on your list."
"Then it's settled. We'll do both of those before we die and we'll do them together." I smiled.
Throughout the entire meal, I couldn't stop thinking about my own death. What if he didn't die when I did? That's not fair to him. So many questions I couldn't answer and had no control over.

As we finished our meals, I helped clean up the mess. I put the leftovers in the containers and set them by his bed side. I carefully picked up the trash and set them in the bin.
"I better get going. It's gotten so late. Felix is going to beat me when I get home." I grabbed my coat off the chair.
"We'll eat together tomorrow!" I always look forward to those words. He said them every day, at the exact same time.
"Obviously." I pushed his shoulder. As I walked out the door, I hesitated, but turned around. "Call me later? You know before bed?" I stuttered on my words.
He laughed, "Are you going to answer this time?"
"Of course I will. Please call?" This is god awful.
"Mhm, if that's what you want." I waved goodbye and walked out the door.

When I got home, Felix was upset, but it wasn't at me this time. He was crying. It was a gut wrenching sob. "What's the matter?" I sat on the floor with him and rubbed his back.
"Please don't die." He kept his face buried in his hands and never faced me. My eyes widened.
"What?"
"You can't die like this. You're my little sister. I can't live without you. Please don't leave me!" He sobbed and poured his heart out. He was scream crying. With every tear, his breath hitched.
"I can't control this. You are allowed to be upset. This is hard on everyone and I'm so sorry." I was tearing up at the sound of his sobs. He was heartbroken, desperate for me to stay.
"I can't do this without you. I see you suffering and I can't pretend it's fine anymore." He turned towards me. "None of this is okay. Death can take you later! You need to be here with me." I instantly pulled him in and he buried his face in my shoulder, soaking the sleeve of my t-shirt. I stroked his hair as he cried louder.
"I'm so sorry, Lix. I truly am. I want to live with you forever, but it's not my choice. Just breathe." I cried with him while I rocked him back and forth like a newborn. He was broken and vulnerable. None of this was easy and I know he is taking it the hardest. My best friend in the whole world is losing his best friend and sister.
"If I could, I'd take all your pain away. I'd handle it instead. I would go to the end of the earth for you if it meant you'd live." His words broke me.

After hours of comforting Felix, he had calmed down. His eyes were red and puffy. His nose was red too. "Is everything okay now?"
"It'll never be okay." He said while I wiped his tears and fixed his hair.
"Let's go eat something and watch a movie, okay?" He nodded his head and I picked him up off the floor.
We sat on the couch. He rested on me as if I was taking care of him. Deep down, I wanted to curse the world, but he needed me. So I spent my time being everything he needed.