The Soul of a Dragon

Chapter 45

Hiccup

I know I should stop touching her and run as far aways as I can. Because this woman I am holding onto for dear life has turned me into a mess from the very first moment I met her. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes that truth shocks me. The fact that I have changed, matured, but also become weaker. Not in a physical manner but my heart; it cannot be kept apart from this woman. It aches for her whenever she is not nearby. And I am finally allowing myself to feel that truth – to openly and truly feel and acknowledge those feelings. This is new territory to me but I know I cannot spend any more time in the shadows, waiting and keeping my distance. I know now that I need her.

That I want her.

With a little sniff that makes me hope she isn't crying, Vara gently pushes away my arms to look me in the eye and whisper something. But I already gather the question that shimmers behind those chestnut eyes that feel like home. A lively forest on a sunny day, is what I called them. My eyes wander down to where our hands are still intertwined like they were molten to fit this perfectly together.

"I'll take you to her," I say soothingly. She replies with a tentative smile and my heart cracks open at the sheer beauty of it.

Still holding hands, I lead her out of the Great Hall, into the dark of the night, and up the hillslope. We've been looking after Aria ever since Vara...left. And I visited her every day, in the morning and at night when nobody else was awake. It made me feel closer to Vara and I could tell that Aria appreciated the company, even though she was sceptical of me at first. When we took Aria home, I told Toothless to get her here – to the small cave that lies at the tip of the highest mountain of New Berk. Up here, nobody would bother her and it would giver her the time she needed to recover. Whilst walking up the steep and meandering path, the only sounds that interrupt the tension between Vara and I are the grovel beneath our feet, the calling of an owl, and the occasional dragon roar. I can already spot the flickering fire light inside the cave and with every step closer to it, I can sense Vara becoming more anxious. I don't blame her. I would be, too. But I still wonder why she isn't sprinting up these hills to get to her best friend as quickly as possible. I don't recognise her like this – cautious, scared. Did Grimmel say something? Did he feed something to her brain that has made her doubt things; that has changed her view on life?

Vara

There is no way to describe this feeling. There are no words that would bring any justice to my current state of emotions. There is no fucking way.

But it hurts. Oh, by Thor, it hurts like a bitch.

Like a goat frozen in fear, I stand still at the opening of the cave. She has heard us walking up the hillslope. Of course, she did. She is as observant as she is beautiful. Her ears twitch in her typical manner, her amethyst eyes gleam with vigilance in the dark. I don't know why I expected her to jump into my arms. I loathe myself for thinking that egoistically. Slowly, she raises her head from where it has been resting on her paws, ruffles her snout, and warily narrows her eyes at me.

Distrust. Disappointment. Desolation.

I can read her within mere moments. It has always been like that between us. But what I can see now, in those familiar eyes that look straight through me, it breaks my heart. I can hear my heart breaking. I have never experienced pain like this. Never. This right here surpasses the pain of seeing her wounded or looking at a broken shell of a man I care about a lot. Before I met Aria, I felt like I had no life. It only started when I met her. Even then, my life has been tough, interwoven with loss, regret, shame, pain, dread, hatred, danger, and so on. But not ONCE was I alone during all of that. She was there. My best friend. My partner. My soulmate.