The Soul of a Dragon

Chapter 57

Vara

I miss the calming sounds of the wind grazing the meadows and the feeling of the fresh grass under my skin. I miss my cave and the life I had there, helping dragons and being free. Yet I also miss sitting at a fire with the gang, my new-found family, and listening to all of their wild adventures when they lived on the Dragon's Edge after which I told them my own stories of fighting dragon hunters. I miss meeting up with Hiccup for our daily evening flight – talking about nothing or everything whilst simply enjoying the creativity of the sky and the soothing waves of the ocean reflecting the colourful spectacle. I miss everything. It turns out to be very true what people say. One day, you will miss those old times.

But most of all...

I miss myself. I have changed, I noticed that long before today. Even though there has been some good change and growth, I don't like myself. In other words, I detest some parts of myself. For instance, when I briefly lost Aria, it felt like my soul was torn from my chest like a living organ. We saved her and I have her back with me now, but the wound hasn't closed fully. A scar remains, its roots deep within myself. Then there's all this emotional chaos regarding Hiccup. In addition to this, something I have pushed away is starting to feel impossible to ignore. Guilt is still gnawing at my insides. I know what I have to do soon – what I have to let go of or who I have to let go of...again. Though, this time on purpose. The point at which I will have to say goodbye to Aria and send her to where she belongs, the Hidden World, is inevitable and it grows closer and closer. Far too quick for me to be able to grasp the pain my girl and I will have to go through. All of us will have to. It has to happen because otherwise this – the fighting, the bloodshed, the constant war and fear – will be the downfall of dragons. And none of us could bear that. They have roamed this world long before our time and are destined to outlive us for an eternity.

However-

It's not time to let go. Yet.

Looking through the horns that sit on each side of Fireblaster's head, I focus on the cliffs of New Berk that appear on the horizon of the dark ocean's surface. I can see Astrid in front of me with Malcom's arms loosely holding onto herwaist, which is why she needs to steady them with one hand. I should have been more surprised that we'd find him drunk and alone in a bar. I scoff again because even though that muttonhead betrayed us, we also came to an understanding after he told me his life story and reasons for doing what he did. I care for him; I can admit that much to myself. But if it wouldn't have been for last night when all the seemingly messed up puzzle pieces suddenly became a full picture, I wouldn't have come for him. The gang seemingly already forgave him. Except Hiccup, I think. Potato, potahto - we need his help, that's why I wanted to track him down myself. I think back to his confession and grimace. Some part of me is hurting and grieving at the lost possibility of anything more than friendship with Mal. I always knew he liked to flirt but, to be completely honest, sometimes I liked to interpret more into it. Now that I know I was right, it is too late. There's been too much drama and agony. And now...

I gaze up at the stars.

...there's also him. Hiccup.

A soft smile grazes my lips. 'I'm in love with the stars', I said to Hiccup to which he replied with the same words. Never would I have thought back then that those words would gain a much deeper and intimate meaning.

I sigh again. So much has happened these past few weeks, months. Simply looking at the time, I haven't known the Hooligan tribe and the gang for a long time. But it feels like so much longer; like these friendships have existed for many years.

"I'll go ahead and let everyone know we're back!" Astrid shouts and urges Stormfly forward after before I can voice my disagreement. Astrid is a hell of a lot stronger and she should be the one carrying Malcom off her dragon's back. But she's long gone when I slowly steer Fireblaster to the wooden landing platform and pet his head's side to which he replies with a comforting crooning sound. He's as sweet as they come. His rider, however...