Winter Sunshine

Sacrifices

He hadn't expected that.

Horror, yes, disgust, yes, revulsion, yes.

But acceptance?

Acceptance?

'I was raised, Savannah, in the knowledge that Frost Giants were murderers, and traitors. That they were evil, heartless brutes, with a cold heart to match their cold skin. Odin did nothing to deny these stereotypes. I was told that Jotunn were the monster under the bed, the vile creatures that mothers told their children would eat them if they did not behave. My brother once told me that when he was king, he would kill all the Frost Giants. Odin said nothing. Nothing. He knew, Savannah, and yet he did nothing. I was made to hate my own kind, my own race, by malicious rumours, and Odin did nothing to quell them. I despised Frost Giants, and then I was one.'

'Loki, you are beautiful. You are no monster, and it is not your fault that you are who you are.'

Loki smiled at the words, so similar to the ones that he had used, and reached for a small part of him, the part that, even before he knew of his true heritage called him a freak, the part that screamed you are different, the part that demanded he understand that he could never be Thor's equal. He felt it fade away, and knew gratitude.

'Thank you.'

They both smiled at each other, reassured by the other's presence, caught up in a sweet reverie of their own, before they were interrupted by a whirring sound, and an implosion.

Not again.

Something occured to her, and now she understood that Loki had made a great sacrifice by telling her this.

'Loki, it must have been awful for you, I'm sorry.' His expression hardened minutely, and she winced.

'I don't aspire for your pity, mortal.'

'It is my sympathy I offer, Loki.' She sounded hurt. He had hurt her.

'I apologize, it was not my intention to snap as I did.'

'Hey, it's okay. But why?'

Why had he done what he had done?

'I was tired of being the younger one, always in Thor's shadow. I knew that Thor was not ready to be king, though the insufferable oaf did not. I had no wish to rule, and my only dream was to be treated as his equal. I never wanted Thor to be banished, and I didn't even want to go to Jotunheim in the first place. I knew that I had to get Thor back, whatever the cost to myself. The Destroyer seemed the only option available. It worked, and Thor was back where he belonged. But he no longer trusted me, and we fought. Thor shattered the Bifrost, and I fell.'

I could have done it, father. For you, for all of us. No, Loki.

I chose to fall, but letting go was as hard as I'd thought it'd be.

'Odin came to help us, but I knew that he was not strong enough to lift both of us to safety. I chose to fall, I knew my true nature then, and I hated myself for it. I called for Death, and I knew that She would welcome Her father with open arms. I let go, and fell for an eternity. An eternity in a second. Thanos found me.' Loki's face darkened, remembering Thanos' cruel, twisted mind-games. 'He distorted my pain, and sense of betrayal, into hatred. I did not snap though, did not crumble. I was raised an Asgardian, and we knelt for none. I was still strong. He used the sceptre against me, bending my mind to his will. Do you remember how Clint was?'

'Yes. Do you mean that-'

'Yes, I do. Clint recovered with help from Natasha. I was more unfortunate, however.'