Winter Sunshine

Poetic Blackmail

A/N: Poor Tony. I had so much fun with this chapter.

It was Christmas.

Time flies when you're not fighting aliens.

Anyway, it was Christmas, and Savannah had already done her shopping.

In June.

'What? It's good to be organised!' she was protesting. 'I am not a control freak, Tony, I just don't like crowds.'

'Why not?'

'I just don't.'

'Next thing, you'll be telling me something bad about Santa.'

'I will, if you want me to.'

'What bad thing can there be about a man who gives out free presents?'

'Santa Claus is a paedophile.'

'What?'

'He comes into your house at night, and grooms your children.'

'What?'

'In real life, if an overweight elderly man had little children on his lap, and gives them free presents, that is grooming.'

'Shit. Santa's a paedo.'

'Yep.'

'You have just single-handedly destroyed my Christmas.'

'Cool. Can I have a medal?'

'No.'

'I'm telling Loki.'

'Telling him what?'

'That you've fallen in love with him.'

'But I haven't.'

'Yes, but he doesn't know that.'

'I'll tell him.'

'He'll be avoiding you for the rest of your life.'

'Good.'

'And, if you are ever in danger, he won't come to your rescue for fear of sending the wrong signal.'

'You are a manipulative little cow.'

'Unless you get me a medal within an hour, I'll write a love poem and sign it with your name.'

'You wouldn't.'

'I would.'

'You're not that evil.'

'Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

You are really fit,

and I want to fuck you.'

'Shit, you are that evil.'

'Hell yes.'

'Okay, I'll do it.'

'And I want you to make me one that says I manipulated the great Tony Stark.'

'No.'

'Ash is grey,

Night is black

Look at that ass,

I would tap that.'

'Did you just make that up?'

'Yes.'

'I'm screwed, aren't I?'

'Yes.'

'Okay, I'll do whatever you want.'

'Good, have a nice day.'

'Wait, where are you going?'

'I'm going to recite some poetry to Loki.'

'But you said you wouldn't.'

'I said I wouldn't tell Loki those poems, I have others.'

Tony sighed.

'What do I have to do to stop you from telling Loki any of them?'

'I want a pink pony.'

'They don't exist.'

'Neither does Santa Claus.'

'How am I supposed to-'

'Make it happen, little monkey.'

'But I-'

'Roses are red,

Jotunns are blue

You tried to subjugate Earth,

I will kneel for you.'

Tony grumbled, and started planning revenge, while dying a pony, and making two medals.

Savannah told Loki anyway.