Days Go By | lavashipping

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The wind picked up but Kai didn't move a muscle. Didn't even shiver. And once the current passed, he threw more crumbles to the pigeons in front of him.

Groaning, he continued his relentless complaining, "I don't get it. I just don't! I've been fine for years. Years! And now I'm overthinking some stupid words he probably didn't even say outright yet? There's no way we didn't say it before anyway, what's my deal? Or did that count as official proclamation and now he's expecting me to say anything? Probably not. I'm being ridiculous, what am I doing? I definitely said it before and i definitely feel it that way so why am I overthinking everything?"

They listened to the birds' coos, as if there was a two-way conversation taking place. As if a bunch of pigeons could whack some sense into his brain. Master knows he needs it. Heck, Kai knows he needs it and yet he perched himself on a bench in a park to speak his mind to no one.

He was surprised their tiny heads didn't explode yet because his own was getting close to doing just that.

"What is wrong with me?" they exclaimed, disturbing the birds. Then, when silence came again, they continued snatching the bread crumbs while Kai stared at them. What a simple life.

"It's just been nagging at my brain, I don't know why. Like why can't I breathe, you know? I thought we were fine? We definitely said it before, we must've, there's no way we didn't, it's a big deal only in movies, right? With the grand gestured and proclamations?" Kai whined, tugging at their hair, eyes squeezed shut in exasperation. "Cole is such a romantic he eats those up all the time, I'm doomed!"

The next round of bread crumbs was thrown with more aggression than before. Some hit them in their faces but the birds remained unfazed.

Oh, to be a bird. Flying around the city, the only concern being the choice of which statue you should shit on that day. No complex thoughts and feelings, just following the mating instinct.

"What was I thinking? I should've just sold him the stupid coffee and let him go about his life. He's Cole-fucking-Brookstone, what am I doing? There's no way I could ever be good enough. Not when I can't even say three stupid words."

Elbows dug into his knees, all vision got lost in the darkness of his palms. "Why can't you guys say something? I bet you're smarter than you look." He was so done with himself. The pigeons probably were too.

"You're weird."

Kai stretched his fingers apart, staring right into one of the pigeon's eye.

"Oh my god they can talk."

"Birds can't talk, dummy."

Kai raised his head, then whirled around. Behind his bench stood a little girl with hair redder and wilder than Jay's. With hands on her hips, she scowled at him, judging him. So maybe birds weren't keen on giving him a piece of their little minds but a human came to do the work for them.

"Didn't your mum tell you not to talk with strangers?" Must've wandered astray.

"She says I shouldn't waste time with idiots."

She walked around the bench and shooed the birds away.

"Hey, I was talking to them." That comment earned him another proper scowl.

"Birds can't talk," she repeated.

"That's the point."

He watched her plop down on the bench like the whole park belonged to her; as if it was her throne.

"Where are your parents, kiddo?"

"Mum's at postman's. It's so boring there."

"So you decided to give the lady some excitement, huh?" He watched her nose wrinkle up. "You shouldn't run away like that."

"Mum trusts me. She's right over there anyway."

"Still."

"Why are you talking to birds? You don't look like the crazy people mum tells me to avoid." Something about her squinted gaze made them think she wasn't entirely convinced on her own statement.

Kai turned his head back ahead. A few pigeons returned to take care of the remaining crumbles.

"Boy trouble," they sighed.

"Eugh." She scrunched up her nose even more. "Boys are dumb."

"Tell me about it." Then, as if he forgot who he was speaking with, he resumed his spiel, mind taken over by the rambling autopilot once again. "You know, one second you think everything's fine and then the world shatters and the worst part is, it's all just in your head, so the easiest thing to do would be talking about it, but how do you do that when there is a chance that talking about it would cause exactly the thing you're so scared of? 'Hey honey, what's wrong? Oh, nothing, I'm just scared I can't be enough for you, like, ever. Oh, why's that? Because I can't say how I feel to your stupid face! Is that it? bye then.'"

"What?" She blinked at him. Unamused, unimpressed. He was making a great impression for sure.

"Never mind."

Being over the whole thing, she shooed the birds away again until Kai blocked her with his arm.

"Stop frightening them."

"Why?"

"How would you like it if I kept waving you away? They might have feelings too, you know?" Her stare was unnerving. And Kai had a fair share of temperamental children. "Aren't you cheerful for a little gal? It's chilly outside, shouldn't you be wearing something warmer?"

"Shouldn't you?" she shot back. Kai couldn't pinpoint which was more frustrating – her stubborn annoyance or how familiar it felt although he could not pinpoint that either.

"Hey, don't try to turn this around. And stop harassing the birds."

"But I want them gone, they're annoying."

"It's pretty mean to do that." Her response was a shrug before she began kicking at them since Kai kept their arm in place and wouldn't budge. "You know if you just let them eat the bread they won't have a reason to stay, right?"

"That's too long."

Kai huffed, then rose from the bench and reached out with his hand. His zoological therapy session would have to wait. "Come on, let's go find your Ma. She must be worried sick."

"She's not."

"Of course you think that, but I know how adults think."