Days Go By | lavashipping

-✰-

Kai opened his eyes to a darker room than he recalled. Quieter. At first they tried pricking up their ears for any sounds but all they could hear was their own breath. So Kai turned to a room absent of Cole.

Huh, when did that happen?

Just as he began picking himself up to sit, the door opened again and Cole entered, again, catching Kai in the headlights, without a chance to hide.

He swallowed and looked away from the door.

"Hey, you're awake." Cole's voice came out like a gentle caress, making Kai pull his knees close. He avoided looking anywhere near him as Cole went to claim his spot on the edge of the bed once more.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like crap."

"You were asleep when I told you but, uh, Nya and I got you some garlic soup, I could go reheat it if you want."

Shaking their head, Kai replied, "I don't wanna eat right now."

"You'll have to eventually."

"Well, right now isn't exactly never, is it?" He winced at the rising of his voice. Kai closed his eyes, rubbed them. If he was not going to die that day then he might as well never.

"You want some medicine then?"

"No!" Kai blinked, grateful for the dim lighting. "Shit."

"As you wish..." No matter how much he tried to ignore it, the feeling of Cole's eyes fighting for his attention would not cease. He dared to glance down, on the empty space between them, to see Cole's hand brush the sheet like wind would a water surface. The little finger tentatively extended his way. "Look, Kai, can we please talk? Please."

"No." Lying down, Kai turned their back to him just like before. He stared at the wall and tried to scramble his thoughts together as if his head wasn't already agonizing him enough. Before Cole could sigh, they added, "I'm going to talk."

Despite how much they hated even the bare thought of shedding their skin right in front of him and giving up their treasured, disgusting secrets without a fight, they took a deep breath—but even while taking time to start, they felt like freefalling.

"Cole, do you know those dreams that just feel... so perfect, like you're living your best life in them, but then you wake up and you're mad it's over?" Curtains drawn over the window stayed still while Kai listened to what he believed to be Cole's breathing. His heart hammered inside his chest with no sign of calming down. "I'd just... I'd rather have you mad it's over so soon than oversleep and realise you've lost all your time and now you're late."

"Kai..."

"I can't say it, Cole. I want to, I really do but every time you say those stupid words I just freeze. I'm not made for this. I've never been."

"Listen, Kai, it—"

"No! I lived a mediocre fucking life and fucked up every single chance at a relationship I ever stumbled upon but everything was fine because I still had people to surround myself with and I stood on my own two feet." Surprisingly, Cole didn't even try to interrupt when he paused to catch his breath. "And then, this... stupid guy with a stupid smile and a stupid order comes by every stupid morning and something, I don't know what, comes over me and I just had to chase him down, I couldn't let him go on about his life, no, I had to chase him down and fuck it up, again, but this time I'm not sure I can stand still like before because I never got that far." Kai huffed. "It's just so much easier to let it burn than put it out."

They went to rub their hot face in frustration only to find it covered in tears. Great. This just kept getting better and better, didn't it?

And Cole handed him a tissue.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Cole, honestly. You're sick, you should go get someone help you with that incredibly thoughtful gift giving. Who does that? Absolutely unbelievable."

Too riled up, he didn't even bother trying to contain his shaking—not that he lacked any strength whatsoever. The mattress dipped and just then an arm wrapped around him, Cole's gentle kiss into their hair sending shivers down their spine.

"Kai, Darling, I honestly couldn't care less about oversleeping right now. It happens to everybody at some point anyway. At least I'm having a lovely dream and not a nightmare."

Kai clenched the tissue in his hands.

"But seriously—trying to set me up with my ex?"

"Well, you wouldn't wake up—which shouldn't be surprising to me now that I think about it—and Jay's not even an open book, I don't think he even has any binding, let alone some boards, that dumbass."

Against Kai's burning skin, Cole's laugh worked just like Jack Frost's breath, making his already shaking body shiver. They lay in a silence that for once felt comfortable after so long until Kai's muscles relaxed and the shaking ceased. They could feel not only Cole's rising and falling chest but his heartbeat as well and the steady rhythm would've lulled them back to sleep had they not been determined to stay awake a little longer.

They turned in his arms, head tucked low where Cole's eyes couldn't reach his. He fumbled with a button on Cole's shirt.

"I just think there's better dreams you could be having instead of this one," he muttered, forcing the tears to not ruin his speech. "You know, one that wouldn't be a coward to say those stupid words back like a child."

Cole brushed his fingers through his hair, making him relax even more. Despite waking up not too long ago, another nap sounded quite nice. But Cole spoke up too,

"Come on, Kai, you called me a moron and a dumbass more times than I can count, do you think I need it all spelled out? From all the things you've done for me, I'm ballsy enough to infer you do like like me and that's what matters the most. To me anyway."

"I like like you as much as you're a moronic dumbass."

"Hey, if I said you love me, I'd be scared you'd buy tickets to my dad's show or something."

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea, actually."

"And I planted it into your head, great. How about I reheat the soup?" Cole untangled himself, stealing some warmth and for the first time in forever, Kai dared to look him in the eyes when he paused by the door.

"So... you're not mad at me?"

Cole leaned his head from side to side before responding, "I am. But I'm also mad about you, so I think that evens it out somewhat."

Kai burrowed his face into the pillow. "You're so stupid." Cole's chuckle rang in his ears.

"Same goes to you, Hothead."

A faint whoosh as the door slid over the carpet.

"Cole?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you put some cheese on the soup, please?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Thank you."