Stuck in between // lesbian story

27.

Victoria's POV

"I'm here" Athena said sitting in front of me. I smiled at her and as much as she looked like she was trying to keep a straight face, she couldn't. She looked down and smiled a little.

I still make her smile. She doesn't fully hate me.

"How are you?" I asked her and she looked into my eyes again "good. You?" I nodded my head as I played around with my fingers nervously under the table "I'm doing okay now" she smiled at my answer and sighed, her hand reaching up to fidget with her earring.

"The last two days that we didn't talk in were.. not the best" I spoke up and she nodded agreeing "I missed you" she said making my shoulders relax.

She misses you, Victoria.

"I missed you too" I said putting my arms on the table "I wanted to talk to you about stuff" I added and she nodded "I'm listening"

"I'm sorry that I'm not good at opening up and talking about my problems, I know it's not healthy but I just can't help it and you pressuring me to talk isn't helping either" that came out a bit more aggressive than I intended.

I could've worded it better.

"I didn't pressure you to talk about it" Athena sensed my aggression and sat back on her chair, arms crossed over her chest "yes you did. I'm not saying that to make you apologize or anything, I'm just pointing it out"

"I asked you to not let it out on me when you get upset. I didn't hold you down and force you to open up to me, I just refused to be treated badly every time you're upset. Like I get it, you don't always wanna talk about things but there is nothing wrong with you telling me that you're upset even without giving me a reason, just tell me you're upset and I'll understand"

"I barely let out my anger on you though" I said getting a bit mad now "how many times have we fought in the last few months we've known each other?" She asked putting her elbows on the table.

I shrugged my shoulder and rested back on the chair "how the fuck am I supposed to fucking know?" I asked making her laugh in disbelief "and my dumbass thought you'd be apologizing"

"Why the fuck would I be apologizing?" I asked getting angrier. She stood up and took her purse "bye Vic. Talk to me when you get your shit together"

I turned my head around and watched as Athena left the restaurant without even giving it a second thought.

How could I be so stupid?

Why didn't I just apologize and give her what she wanted?

I want Athena to stay in my life. She means the world to me but I don't think she knows that.

I'm a bit dry and rude but it's because I don't want to seem desperate and let her know that I miss her every second of the day and think about her every chance I get.

I feel pathetic when I have feelings like this.

Feelings that control my everyday tasks.

When I think about her and remember that she's upset with me, I can't even eat properly, my stomach starts hurting and my mind is always occupied by the thought of her leaving me just like everyone else did.

They just leave.

Then I get left alone once again. Drowning in my own thoughts and feelings, not having a person by my side to support me through my downs so I just keep falling deeper into that hole.

I used to be so independent, emotionally and financially but when I realized that being independent in the emotional side isn't doing anything for me, I have tried to find someone else to rely on for my happiness.

Because if I didn't try that, I don't think I would be here right now.

And that person right now is Athena.

She had helped me through so much without even knowing. The days that we don't fight, I have the best sleep of my night and the most amazing meals of my life.

But when we do argue, everything around me becomes depressing and dark.

And I know it sounds pathetic and stupid but sometimes I cry when I know that she's upset with me and start overthinking everything.

Does she still think of me in a good way?

Does she think of me as much as I think of her?

Does she think I'm worthy enough to be loved by her?

Does she see me as an emotionless asshole who is controlled by their anger?

Does she think I'm cheesy and pathetic if I'm actually nice to her?

Does she think I'm a burden on her?

Does she ever wish that she never met me?

Does she get nervous butterflies when I text her just like I do?

Does she love me as much as I love her?

And yes, I do love her. More than words can ever describe.

I don't want to let go of her and love someone else because I truly think this is my only possible chance of finding anything even close to love.

And Athena became such a big part of my life on such a short period of time.

I crave the smallest things from her.

A smile, a text, a cute picture, a genuine laugh, a peaceful conversation, a loving kiss, a comforting hug.

But here I am, getting on her bad side by being the stupid asshole I am.

Sometimes, I sit by myself thinking "should I tell her that I miss her?" But can't get myself to do it because I'm scared of the response that she'll give me.

I just want to give her genuine love and comfort as I worship the ground she walks on.

I want to kiss every part of her that she thinks is "ugly" as I remind her how beautiful she is.

I want her to cry in my arms when she's upset, kiss her forehead to comfort her and wipe away her precious tears that shouldn't even be shed.

But I also have to watch the woman I am hopelessly in love with walk away from me to be with someone else.

I feel helpless.

I want to stop her from going to Natalie, come up with different psychotic things I can say about Natalie even if they are lies just to keep Athena away from her.

But I can't do that to her.

What if she feels actual love for Natalie and I break her heart if I say something that'll push her away from Natalie for good?

What if she doesn't see a future with me?

What if we don't last?

What if Natalie is the actual right person for her and I am just meant to be alone my whole life?

I just want Athena to find her happiness.