Partners in Crime || PJOxHP || Marauders' Era

A Game Of Chess

Sirius Black had trouble sleeping. The darkness unhinged the demon in him- he felt suffocated with every breath he took, and every inch of darkness seemed to remind him of his summer vacation at number 12, Grimmauld Place. 

"Stop thinking about it," he muttered to himself quietly. Sirius Black was the loud type, but when it came to his secrets, he was so quiet about his family that even James did not know- and James was his best friend. "You're home now."

But that look that Jessica had given him that night at Professor McGonagall's office.... it terrorized Sirius' dreams- it almost seemed like she knew what was going on, and Sirius wasn't sure he wanted anyone to know what was going on, especially a person that he and James were so against all the time. 

He sat up, breathing heavily. He wanted to go and ask Jessica whether she knew. He wanted to tell her the truth- perhaps blurt it all to her and find some comfort when she would look at him with kindness and tell her that he needn't go back to Grimmauld Place ever again.... that he could stay with the Potters as a part of their family.... He wanted that safety that the Potters had at their house- he wanted a family that really cared for him. But Sirius knew that it was hopeless. He was stuck with the Black family.. the surname of his wretched father, and with the title 'Heir of Black'.

He stood up from his bed and walked down the stairs to the Common Room. Sirius couldn't understand his own mind. Why was he jealous of the Potters? Why not the Lupins or even the Pettigrews? They were happy too. 

But neither Remus nor Peter had a sibling. They wouldn't know the torture of bearing a sibling on their shoulders or helping each other out. But the Potters did it effortlessly, or at least, that's what Sirius thought of it when he saw James and Jessica helping each other with their trunks or her hugging him on the train back to Hogwarts in December. They actually shared moments... memories that they wouldn't forget- ones they would cherish when they grew older. 

Sirius leaned against the window and looked at the dark castle grounds. He could see a large outline of Hagrid in the moonlight- what was that man doing up so late in the night? Sirius picked at a leaf on the windowsill, his thoughts diverging and coming back to his life of misery.

Perhaps he could run away. Perhaps he could find a room somewhere at Diagon Alley- the Leaky Cauldron was messy, but it worked. Besides, he would turn fourteen in two months. He could gather some money with.... with whom? Where would he get money from? He had no vault at Gringotts, nor did he have a job. 

***

Sirius looked at the cozy Common Room. Reggie would probably be under at the dungeons in the Slytherin Common Room... away from him- and now that he was second year and an inch taller than what he used to be before, he'd never listen to Sirius again. Sirius was sure that Reggie probably called him 'the outcast' behind his back. He wondered if he could ever have a single good moment with his brother. What was the use of having a sibling otherwise?

He sat down on a squashy armchair and looked at the coffee table. A chess set had been arranged neatly- black chess pieces to one side and white to the other. Jessica and Lily had borrowed it from Sirius a few hours ago for a game before sleep. Jessica had found new siblings at Hogwarts too, Sirius realized. She had claimed that her friends were more like her sisters. Maybe he could find new siblings too. Maybe his friends were supposed to be his brothers...

"Stop," he told his brain. He took a white pawn from the chess set, which struggled against his palm, and set it two blocks away. He looked at the empty chair opposite him, imagining a faceless opponent. "Your turn." No chess piece moved. Sirius sighed and leaned back into his chair. "Coward."