SUMMER CAN LAST FOREVER

EXILE

BELLY
Its been two days since the orientation, since i finally told conrad the truth. Its also been two days since he last talked to me. Im not doing well. Ive been in a constant state of anxiety. I really messed up, he was so upset, and to be real he has every right to be upset. Ive been doing a lot of crying, jeremiahs been trying to convice me things will be okay. That he wont leave me, that hes still in love with me. I think im ultra paranoid, because of what happened last year with us.

The bell rang, signaling the end of the day. I go to my car and drive home, conrads rover is on the street. My mothers also home. Great theyre probably having tea and talking about how horrible i am. I spend five minutes in my car before walking up to the front door. I shouldnt be so nervous, but i am. My mom and conrad are sitting at the table talking.

"I dont know if ive passed them all, ill find out tomorrow, but i feel good about them" i hear him say.

I shut the door behind me, and that causes them to look up"hi bean welcome home. How was school?" she asks in her dead pan way. She gives me small smile though. My moms been really trying to emit more emotion since summer.

"It was um... well it was you know school..." i reply anxious.

"ill be in my office" mom says looking at me, then conrad.

Conrad sits on the couch, and pats the spot next to him. I follow, and sit next to him. He dosnt say anything for a few minutes, til he sighs. "Im going to preface by saying i love you. That even though ive been really pissed off at you, that hasent changed. That i still want to be with you, we just have something to work through" conrad states.

Some of my nerves calm down,"what am i not doing?" he asks.

"What?" im so confused. He thinks hes done something wrong. This is so like conrad to do. Hes mad at me and still somehow finds a way to blame himself. It saddens me to my core.

"What do i need to improve upon, so you feel comfortable telling me everything? Is it my reactions or my words still? You tell jeremiah and taylor, but you cant tell me your big exciting news. You didnt even want to tell me about student council. Why?!" conrad rattles off. I see the hurt in his eyes.

Even when im the one whose messed up, here he is, somehow thinking its his fault. "Thats not how it is at all. Its nothing you did or didnt do, its just about me."

"Im confused, can you explain your reasons for not telling me?" he gives me a puzzled look. His deep blue eyes are searching me for answers.

"Im in high school and your a big hot shot college guy. I didnt think youd be intested in hearing about high school things. I was going to tell you about running start and me getting to brown once i heard back. I didnt want to get my hopes, or your hopes too high. Then i kinda thought id just surprise you on my first day, and tell you then. Itd be cute and romantic" i tell him. I shut my eyes and squinted them while i did. Bracing myself for his reaction. I hear conrad chuckle and then lips press to my forhead.

"Open your eyes and look at me," he softly tells me. I peel them open to find him staring at me. His hand strokes my cheek which eases my nerves and worries. "Its alright" he whispers. Conrad is so calming and soothing to be around.

Conrad looks at me "i hate surprises belly, you know that. I hate not knowing, it makes my anxiety worse" he plays with the end of one section of my hair. This is a good sign right. Hes still being affectionate with me.

"I know, im sorry i sprung it on you. Double sorry, it was during mid terms"i sigh.

"Thats the other thing belly, my school is important to me, getting good grades is important. I dont care how big of news it is do not spring it on me during finals, or midterms week. Im already under a lot of stress and pressure as is," conrad shoots me a look.