hits different - Taylor Swift and Travis kelce

spending time together

-Taylors pov-

I don't remember the last time I laughed this much, but damn he is so funny and laidback. After lunch, we cleaned up together, and now, we are just settling on the couch. The conversation is flowing so naturally I don't ever want it to end. Can't it be like this forever? I wouldn't mind just feeling this relaxed. I'm always on the go, moving from one thing to the next, but in the last few hours, I've been more relaxed than I've been in a long time. Sure, I relax, but not in this way, not feeling so.... Safe? Is that what I'm feeling? I don't know. He awakens things inside of me that have been sleeping for a while, and I'm insecure about how I feel about it. This could all be over tomorrow or blow up in my face like it always seems to do. And I hate not being in control. I like to know what's ahead of me, and what's coming up next.

"my brother is such a good dude, I might be biased. But we spent a lot of time together growing up, and now we try to spend time together in the off-season since it's hard when we are both playing or at practice during the season" he says as he tells me all about his family. He has a mom, Donna, his dad's name is Ed and his brother is Jason. Then it's the extended family of Jason's wife Kylie whom he has three kids, Wyatt, elliotte,  and Bennett, all girls. I can see how excited he is about talking about them, it's clear that they are a tight-knit family, just like mine is. Jason plays for the NFL team Philadelphia Eagles, so he lives there.

I like that he isn't just focused on himself, though we trade off talking all about our lives, families, and friends. It's refreshing to meet someone you have such an instant connection with, that you just click with right away. It's rare for me to experience this, and I am a little bit in shock. The fear that the conversation somehow would get out to the press went out the window before I even got here. It's strange that just after the phone calls I knew what we have stays between us.

Its also refreshing that he isn't interested in a secret relationship, that he wants to live his life and if people take pictures, he chooses to ignore them instead. It's the mentality I've grown recently too, after basically hiding out for years when I was with joe. I don't want that kind of relationship again. The person that I'm with would need to accept the things that comes with being with me, the things I can't change. Im exhausted from trying to change, to trick, something I know I can't. It becomes a burden in the long run, and I don't want that again.

"I try to see my family as often as I can, but it's hard to find the time when I'm traveling and have my home base in new york after I moved back from london" I say but cringe when I let that last part slip. I'm trying to be in the moment and not constantly comparing the present to the past, but I'm failing at that.

"How long did you live in london" he asks, and I mentally count the years "I started leasing there back in December 2016, so it was a little over six years I guess" it became clear early on that if I wanted to be with joe, I needed to have a base in London. One because I didn't want to live out of a hotel, and two because he lived with his parents. I have no idea what he has done now after we broke up, and I honestly don't care either. He can move back with his parents for all I care. It's not my responsibility nor problem anymore. That ship is long gone.

I am hesitant to talk about those years, because I don't want to drag my cheating ex into something new. But its ignorant of me to assume that its not a factor in how I approach a new connection now. Whatever it becomes, if it becomes anything at all, of me and travis it will be affected by both of our pasts. That's just how things naturally are. You are always somewhat shaped by your past, whether you want to or not.

"I'm just going to ask you straight out, are you over him? Because I just need to know if there is someone out there that you might want to get back together with" he asks me and I appreciate that he once again is straight with me. But I don't even need to think about that question "no, there is nothing left there. Sure there are a ton of memories, it was six and a half years. But it wasn't... it wasn't the healthiest of relationships" I answer and bite my lip.