hits different - Taylor Swift and Travis kelce

surgery and skin on skin

-Taylors Pov-

It's been two days of bed rest. Two fucking days where I haven't been able to see my kids in person, only through a camera lens. But today I'm finally allowed to head up there because my wound is healing and I'm not a huge risk to the babies anymore. I think it's rude to ever call me a risk to my own kids, but I have learned that arguing with doctors won't get you anywhere. Apparently, I was also at risk for serious complications, and still sort of am, but whatever. I get to see my babies, that's what's important.

"ready to go beautiful?" Travis says as he takes the back handles of my wheelchair. I don't have walking privileges to head that far, so I need to be wheeled. One fight at a time Taylor, one fight at a time. "couldn't be more ready" I mumble as we head out the door of my hospital room.

He shows me the routine to get into the NICU. You need to show your ID to make sure that you're someone allowed in there. And then you need to scrub up your arms to get all clean just in case you're touching anything. It's a process but it's important. I wouldn't want strangers with no business in the NICU to be in there either. Plus it gives an added safety to our little ones.

That is In addition to the 24h day security we have one of them in their room just to make sure that they are okay. With me being famous and all that there are always risks, and I'm not taking any fucking risks with my babies. The hospital was all on board with me having my personal security watch over us, so they didn't need to think about it. so it was a win for all of us.

When we walk closer to the room with a frog on the door, that Travis tells us is our baby's room, I get nervous. What if they hate me for not coming sooner? Can they sense I haven't been here? I have been pumping like crazy to give them any milk product I could and now my actual milk has come in so I'm still pumping like crazy to give them enough. I haven't forgotten them just because I haven't seen them, they understand that right? I'm scared.

"Travis, and you must be Taylor. I'm Charlie, I was your baby's nurse yesterday and I am today as well" a blond girl sits by the door and greets us. "yes, I'm Taylor. nice to meet you" I shake her hand before she follows us in, offering to explain the machines to me so Travis doesn't have to dig up his medical knowledge.

"These are the incubators the babies are in. They are specially designed to help regulate the baby's temperature because as preemies they can't hold their own body temperature yet. Then they are hooked up to IVs for fluids and medication. A feeding tube to get the important milk from you and finally a respirator because their lungs aren't mature enough to work on their own" She shows us the different things and I take it all in before she excuses herself and Travis wheels me closer to the incubators.

"This is Avery, and this is Maddie" he shows me, which is, which he wouldn't actually need to do since there are signs on their beds, but I find his nervousness cute.

"hi, babies" I stretch my arms and lay a hand on each incubator. I can just about reach them both at the same time. "it's mommy. I'm here now. And I'm never going to be gone from you again" I say and sniffle away my pending tears.

To get a closer look Travis helps me closer to Maddie first. Well her full name is Maddison, but we are going with Maddie for short. It was the first name we decided on for them, Avery was harder to pick.

Her little red body is curled up in the big incubator. They are only 2 pounds, so small. The tubing she is hooked up to is overwhelming but it's all-important stuff. I take my time looking at my little girl before moving on and doing the same thing with Avery. They look a lot alike, but that will probably change with time. preemies might just all look the same. I don't know. I've never seen a preemie before.

We are interrupted when the doctor comes into the room "Ah, good you're here. I went to the other ward to talk to you, but you weren't there. It's good to see you out of bed Taylor."

I like that they call us by our first names. It's more personal in such a fragile situation. Being called Miss Swift is just weird when it's so huge what's going on. So we told them to call us by our first names, not every doctor does it, but the nurses all do.

"hi Dr. Smalls, yes it's nice to finally be able to come up here" I smile at her. She has been nice to us and is one of the many doctors that work in the NICU. But she has another doctor with her, a doctor in surgical scrubs. This doesn't feel good at all. Something is up.

"Your daughter's Patent ductus arteriosus isn't closing properly. It's actually rather big which is a problem that needs intervention now. Your daughter is having serious symptoms that have progressed over the last two days as we talked about. And it needs intervention preferably today if you will consent."

There is no question if they will be allowed or not. Of course, we are going to consent to something that will help our little girl's heart heal properly. "because of the size of the defect she will need full surgery which is reserved for babies with large PDAs. You need to be informed that open surgery presents more risk than cardiac cauterization and requires a longer recovery time. during the surgery the surgeon makes an incision in the chest and closes the connection with stitches or a small metal clip" the doctor explains, and I take it all in.

"you do whatever you need to do to make sure our babies are okay," Travis says and I'm fully on board with it. there are risks, but there are risks to any surgery. This is a defect that needs treatment, or she will die. there is no need to continue to wait it out and see her getting worse.

"Okay, then you need to sign these consent forms and we will be taking her to surgery in an hour" the other doctor who introduces himself as Dr. Harper says, the pediatric cardiac surgeon. This is happening, our little girl is having open heart surgery today.

**

They came and took her down to surgery a few minutes ago, and it feels so wrong in this room without her incubator. Avery looks lonely without his sister. It looks all wrong. The room looks all wrong.

"hi Travis, hi Taylor. I come with some good news from the doctor" the nurse, Charlie comes in and speaks. "if you feel comfortable with it you can perform kangaroo care with Avery, it's really good for preemies" she says.

"but what about all the tubing?" I'm hesitant, mostly because I don't want to mess with any of the equipment. "don't worry, we will work to situate him on your chest, between your bare breasts, and make sure the equipment is in the right place. Then you just lean back and relax with your little one all snuggled up. And then when you're done, we will situate him back in the incubator."

"you're sure he isn't too small? Too fragile?" I ask and bite my lip "No, you can do it with fairly sick babies as well. And Avery is stable at the moment so it's the perfect chance for you to have some skin-on-skin bonding. It can also help you with your milk production, which is a plus" She sounds so confident, so sure that this is good, so that takes away some of my fear and I agree.

I'm already in a hospital gown so I can just open the front and lean back in the recliner while she and two other nurses work on getting Avery out of his incubator. It is frightening that they need three people to get out one such tiny baby, but it's also reassuring that they are doing it safely.

Travis stands off to the side, giving them the space they need to get him safely on my chest. And I can hardly breathe because I'm so nervous. When I first feel his skin against mine, I hold my breath, scared to move a muscle. "it's okay, you can breathe normally. We wouldn't suggest this if it wasn't safe. And if it gets too much for you, we can remove him right away."

They maneuver him so everything is lying correctly before they let go and I feel his full weight against me for the first time. "hi baby, hi Avery" I whimper and lay a hand on his back softly before they wrap a blanket over us so he can stay warm and toasty.

After they make sure we are situated correctly the nurses excuse themselves, leaving me and Travis alone with Avery on my chest. It's such a surreal experience I don't have words. He is only two days old, a little preemie but I can hold him anyway. Even with his respirator and all the tubing I can hold him close and feel his warmth.

"he is perfect" Travis comes over and pushes a chair closer to us. It's not a comfy chair like the one I'm reclined in, but it will do. I just want him close as well. So we can be a little family for a little while as we wait for Maddie to be done in surgery. It's going to be a while, but she is going to be okay, I know she is. She is my little Maddie; she has to be okay.