hits different - Taylor Swift and Travis kelce

making up

-Taylors Pov-

The nurses helped me situate Maddie on my breast and get her to latch. It's not an easy process as she is so little and needs to learn how to do it. we weren't too successful with it; she did get a few drops I squeezed out for her though and swallowed it. so that's progress in the right direction. Learning to feed is a process that's going to take a little time, at least that's what the nurses said. Some learn it faster than others though, depending on the baby. it's an individual thing.

"Mommy's little princess" I coo her as I hold my hand on her back through the incubator door. She was making sounds that sounded a little like whimpers, so I went over, put my hand on her and they stopped. If I just imagined It or not, I don't know, but she was making some sounds, what they were I don't know. They told me that now that she is off the ventilator, she will be more alert, making sounds and such. That's a good thing, a step in the right direction.

"Taylor" Travis says as he walks into the room, and I stop breathing for a moment. We haven't talked all day, and I haven't sent him updates either after that fight this morning. Honestly, I'm just too tired to argue, and I didn't want to end up in one over text. I knew he would come eventually anyway, so I figured waiting was for the best for both of us. we might have just needed a break. I think I need a damn break at least. I've been cooped up here for a month and I don't know which day it is anymore. Monday? Wednesday? I don't know anymore.

"Travis," I say back in the same monotone tone. He looks exhausted, probably from a long practice today. He was gone longer than usual, which I did pick up on. Did his coach keep him longer? It must have been that. "you're late?" I say more like a question than anything else.

"I know.... I went by the house for a little bit. Took a shower. Just... got some air" he says and rubs the back of his neck. He could have been here but chose not to. That sting. Doesn't he think I need a break as well? Because I fucking do, but I can't leave here. I can't leave the babies.

"you could have been here but chose not to...." I drag out the words, showing my displeasure. I was here alone while he was relaxing at home, that's not fair. One thing is going to work, but he could have been here and choose not to.

"don't look at me like that. it wasn't like that, and you know it. I love you and I love the kiddos. But damn Taylor, I needed a break, and you probably do too. we have been here for a month, and you're in here day in and day out. it's not healthy. We need fresh air and seeing other people. I get that at practice, but I'm worried about you. if I feel like I'm going crazy you must be worse than me" he argues, and I close the hatchet to our daughter so I can turn and face him fully.

"of course, I need a break, but I can't Travis. So I'm here... because I have to. Because the babies need me to be here. every two hours they get life-sustaining drops from my body for god's sake. I can't leave and it pisses me off that you can and choose to leave. Leave us" I don't want to cry, I force away the tears, no place for them right now.

"I didn't leave you or the kids. I would never leave you. but taking a break from the hospital is important Taylor. you're going to run yourself into the ground if you keep going like this" he says and I wipe under my eyes, refusing to let the tears fall. I'm not going to cry.

Part of me knows that, knows that he wouldn't leave us. but I can't help the bubbling feeling I get every time he walks out that door. The feeling that this is going to be too much for him, that me and the babies are too much for him. Because I get it, it would be too much for a lot of people. But he keeps coming back, he won't leave. Right? I can trust that when he says he won't leave he won't. Right? Or am I just kidding myself? It's hard to know what to believe in, even though I know what my sanity needs me to believe in. I need to believe him that he won't go anywhere and that he will always come back.

"Is this all because I asked you to take the bed?" I sniffle. Fuck I can't keep the tears away. Stupid postpartum hormones win again. I don't like that I cry over all and anything at the moment. "don't cry beautiful. And no it's not all about the bed."

He comes over and wraps me in his big arms. I sink into his embrace taking in his scent. His perfect scent that's not sweaty, too strong, or too soft. It's the perfect blend that screams Travis to me. "I love you, okay? I love you and our little kiddos. That's never going to change. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you I was going to be late, that was shitty of me. but you need to take a break too every once in a while, Taylor."

"I know, I just feel so... guilty not being here. I can't take it. the guilt. And I don't want to fight with you, I hate fighting" if we are going to get through this, we need to be a united front, doing it together. all credit to those that do this as a single parent, but we aren't in that situation and actually have each other to lean on, we need to use that for what it's worth.

"we are doing the best we can. We will fight from time to time, that's what happens in relationships, especially with kids. But we can do this as long as we have a united front. Just promise me that you will try to take some time away from the hospital as well. I'll be right here with them, it doesn't have to be for long either. Just going for a drive is enough. You just need to see something other than these white walls" he tilts my head so he can place a gentle kiss on my lips. This isn't the place for PDA; but a simple kiss isn't a problem. it's much needed, that closeness we haven't had any off in a few days.

When you have kids in the NICU it's so easy to get all wrapped up in them, forgetting all about taking care of your relationship at the same time. because we are definitely guilty of that crime. There is a relationship there that needs nurture as well, just a simple touch is better than nothing at all. I just tend to forget that part, getting so wrapped up in everything else. The kids take so much time and energy it doesn't feel like there is time for us as a couple in the middle of it all. We probably need to make more of an effort on that front.

"I love you travis. With everything I've got" I mumble against his chest before I start telling him about the doctors visit today. The news about avery was expected even tho it's frustrating that he isn't doing too good yet. But travis is shocked when I tell him about maddies progression with trying breast feeding. It's a big step in the right direction. For me it's hope, hope for a light at the end of this long dark tunnel. We will come out on the other side of this, stronger and as a family of four, im sure of it.