hits different - Taylor Swift and Travis kelce

hair

-Taylors pov-

I stand in front of our bathroom mirror combing my long dirty blond hair. My hair is one of the things I like most about my body, I like how I have gone through different fazes with styles, but it is always so healthy... at least it used to be...

As I drag the brush through my hair, I see more and more hair gather in the brush. I'm losing chunks of hair every day now, and it sucks. The drain in the shower gets clogged by the clumps of hair that fall out when I try to wash my hair. Hell even just gently conditioning my hair makes me lose even more. It hurts to admit but I even have bald spots in several places against my scalp. It sucks.

At some point, I need to do something about this, but I've been stalling. There is something so monumental to me about shaving it all off, something I know I should do. sure I can wait for it to fall off on its own, but for me, that will be harder to watch than doing something myself. if I shave, I can take control of the way things are going, I can decide for myself when it's time to lose my hair. It's just hair, it will grow out, and I know that, but it is still hard to picture myself without it.

Since my hair is thinning out, I've already taken to wearing a scarf on my head to cover it, scared of being pictured with bald spots. I know I shouldn't be ashamed of being sick, but I can't help it. I've always gotten compliments on my hair, and now it will probably never be the same. My mom's hair hasn't. She has taken to wearing a wig, it makes it easier on her. Before chemo, she had shoulder-length hair while her wig is long and almost always in a low-sitting ponytail to keep it together.

I open a drawer with Travis's clippers, it would be easy for me to just do it right this moment. It's not brain surgery to shave your head, I could do it on my own. It would be another way for me to take control of the situation. But am I brave enough? I don't know.

Picking up the clippers I just look at them for a while, so immersed in it that I don't hear Travis come into the bathroom before he lays a hand on my shoulder, startling me. "are you thinking about shaving your head?" he asks and caress my hair. Just the simple act of running his fingers through the long strands makes hair stick to his fingers and detach from my head.

"I mean. I need to at some point" I shrug like it's no big deal even though it is. I don't know if I will like the way I look without hair, will I still be confident in my looks? I'm not perfect, not always confident, but I tend to be comfortable at least. It has taken me a long time to get to this place and I'm worried that something so frivolous as hair is going to mess that up.

"you don't need to do it if you don't want to. You can let nature take its course. There is no right answer here. you need to do what feels right for you" he says and kisses the side of my head as he wraps his arms around me. I lean into his embrace, letting his strong arms comfort me.

"I think I want to do it. I just... I feel like I'm losing control. If I do this, it will mean it was my choice, not something that just happened to me. there is so much I can't control, but this I can." I think I already know what I want to do, I want to shave it. being in control is more important to me than the vanity of my long hair. It will be gone soon anyway, and I hate the bald spots.

"do you need help?" he asks, and I shake my head. "I think I need to do this on my own" I don't want him to see me as more and more fall to the floor. I love him but this is something I need to handle on my own.

-Travis Pov-

I leave Taylor in the bathroom and head downstairs to the kids. I wish she would let me help her, but I guess there are some things she needs to do on her own. Taylor has always been a bit of a control freak, and I can't imagine what it's like to not be in control of your own body.

With how much I work out, and all the effort I put into it, I have the utmost control of my own body, so I can't relate to her on this. On the field I feel in control, I control every muscle that moves in my body and all the effort shows off on my body. I'm not the most ripped guy on the team, but I like the way I look.

"Daddy" Maddie giggles and throws herself into my arms. I lift her and twirl her around making her laugh. "Daddy, daddy, daddy. Love you"

"I love you too princess," I tell her and kiss the top of her head. "play with me?" she asks and as I set her on the floor, she drags me into the playroom and hands me one of her dolls. I don't have a say here so I set my ass on the floor and join her in whatever she is playing.

Maddie is a demanding kid who needs loads of attention, but I wouldn't have her any other way. All four of our kids are so different and I love them for exactly who they are. But I would be lying if I didn't say that Maddie is exhausting at times, like today. She has been on my ass since she got up this morning and I'm a bit tired.

On days off Taylor and I usually trade-off with the kids, so we don't get too exhausted, but with how things are with Taylor that hasn't been happening recently. Since she is sick, I've had to step up with all the kids and take on more of her role as well. Sometimes I feel like I'm two parents in one, which is tiresome. I don't blame Taylor for it, it's not her fault, but it is draining.

**

An hour later Taylor comes downstairs, and I have to work hard on schooling my reaction to her now shaved head. It's not a look I ever expected to see on her but should have figured would happen once she got sick. She is still just as gorgeous as always, there is nothing about hair that changes that, but it is different. It's strange how much something as simple as hair changes the way you look. I hadn't given that much thought before now.

"you look beautiful," I tell her and stand up from my spot with the dolls on the floor to go over and kiss her. I try to shower her with all the attention I can to make her feel better, I've been doing that more and more recently. The chemo is taking a lot out of her body, she is affected, and I try to make her life easier.

"I don't. you don't need to lie to make me feel better" She shrugs but I can see the pain in her eyes. "I wouldn't lie to you. sure it's different but you're still you. it will take some getting used to, but that's okay."

"Mommy?" Maddie scrunches her nose "Hair?" Maddie has the same hair as her mother, curly, long, and blond. She always loves to have matching hair as her, mostly braids. Whenever Taylor makes Elsa or Anna braids for her, she dances around the living room singing the songs from the movies and she demands that Taylor get some in her own hair.

"Mommy is sick, so she had to take off her hair for a while," Taylor says as she kneels in front of our little girl. "but you know what's cool about hair? It grows out again. In the meanwhile you and Elena can help me pick up some wigs to pretend I have hair"

"Maddie no hair?" she crocks her head and plays with the ends of her hair. "No Maddie is keeping her beautiful hair," Taylor says before kissing the top of her head.

Elena and Jacob come into the playroom and their eyes widen when they spot Taylor "What happened?" Jacob furrows his eyebrows.

"you know when someone gets cancer the medicine can make their hair fall off. And I didn't want to watch it anymore, so I shaved It off" Taylor plays it off like it's no big deal, even though I know it's monumental for her.  We try to protect the kids from the painful sides of her illness, not wanting to scare them. But there are some things we can't protect them from seeing, this included.

"I think you look cool" he concludes being his easygoing self. The kid doesn't need much explanation about anything, he takes things as they come. It makes it easy to parent him. Not that the other kids are difficult, it's just different.

"thanks sweetheart" She goes over and gives both kids hugs. Elena lingers a bit longer in Taylor's arms, soaking up the comfort that we know she needs more of than her brother. Different kids need different things, and I'm making it my life's mission to give them what they need.