hits different - Taylor Swift and Travis kelce

visits and e-readers

-Taylors pov-

I get moved to a room in the oncology ward after a few hours in the ICU. Travis has been by my side the whole time and I couldn't be more grateful for it. the pain is dulled with the medication and ice packs but it's still lingering there. I don't know if it will go away anytime soon, but I can take it as long as it's not worse than this. It will be though after I get home and off morphine.

"ready for visitors?" Travis asks and I nod. I don't know what my family has been doing while Travis has been with me if they went back to the house or stayed here, but I'm excited to see them. There is nothing like having the support of the people you love when you're going through something hard. Especially seeing my kids, I need that.

Travis texts my mom letting them know they can come up. "they are already here; they went and got the twins from Hannah."

It doesn't take long for me to hear Maddie outside and Travis helps me press the button to sit up higher in the bed as the door opens. "Mommy!" Maddie shrieks and Travis shushes her "Remember we talked about inside voices in the hospital Maddie?"

"yes Daddy" she grumbles before skipping over to the side of the bed, her brother right behind her. "Mommy sick? Icky?" she asks and looks up at me with her big blue eyes. "Mommy is a bit icky, but it's going to get better. I just need to rest" I tell her wishing I could reach out and touch her, but it hurts to move my arms.

My parents, brother, Elena, and Jacob also enter the room and I force a smile even though I want to winch from the pain coming from sitting up. It puts pressure on my chest and strain on my arms not to lie flat, but I can take it. I need to take it for the sake of my kids.

"Are you okay?" Jacob comes up behind the twins and asks, Elena beside him. "I'm doing okay. A bit sore but I'm okay" I don't like lying to my kids, lying in general really, but sometimes a white lie is better than the truth. I'm in pain and just want to sleep it off, but they need me to be strong. That's part of being a parent, putting your own pain aside to be what your kids need.

"We have a present for you," Elena says and lays a pretty wrapped package on the bed. I dread moving my arms to unwrap it, but I don't want to disappoint them. Trying not to show the pain on my face I carefully unwrap the present revealing a new oasis Kindle. "it's so you can read while you're stuck in bed or in the hospital" she smiles at me.

"thank you, all of you. that's really nice" I do love to read, it's a way to escape into a different world for a while, so it will be good to have. Normally I prefer physical books, but now I can't really lift them, and this is more convenient anyway. It will be good for traveling as well, I can bring hundreds of books without logging around the weight of it. I had a Kindle before, but it broke last year, and I never replaced it since I didn't use it much.

Travis can see that the twins are getting impatient, so he settles them on chairs with their pads to avoid any potential meltdowns. Two-year-olds are unpredictable, they can break out into a tantrum at any moment, and at least my daughter can. I'm sure not every two-year-old is like this, Avery isn't really like that, but Maddie sure is. I'm pretty sure we are going to have our hands full with them as they grow up, especially her.

Elena comes closer and looks between my chest and my face "Are you really okay?" she whispers with uncertainty. Even though it's painful I reach out and take her hand "I'm okay sweetheart. It hurts but it will get better."

"I was worried" she admits, and I smile at her "I know you were, but you were brave too. now we move forward, okay? I'm going to be okay" I hope I can keep that promise but I know I can't force fate. The future isn't in my hands anymore, it's in the hands of the doctors and if they can save me from the fate of cancer. Things are uncertain, and unpredictable because they can change for the worse in the blink of an eye. Nothing about the future can be promised, but I don't have the heart to not try with every inch of my being. I will do whatever the fuck I can to get better and be the mom these kids need.

"Are you okay Jacob?" I ask him as he stands beside his sister, and he smiles "I'm okay now that you're okay. I played Pokémon Go while we waited for you. there are two poke stops near the waiting room, so I got lots of balls and Pokémon." He has been obsessed with that game ever since we got him a phone and I've tried to play some with him. We are friends on the game, and he reminds me every day to send a gift to him and open whatever he sends me. it's something fun I get to do with him, something a pre-teen likes to do. finding ways to bond with them is important to me, even if it's something silly like a phone game.

They stay for an hour before a nurse comes in and announces that visiting hours are over and everyone needs to leave. Even though I'm in a VIP room the same rules apply I guess, so I need to say goodbye to my family for today. I must admit that I am exhausted, and it will be nice to have a little bit of peace and quiet.

"I love you; I'll be back in the morning after a meeting at the stadium," Travis says and kisses me. "I love you too," I say after kissing him back. It will be weird sleeping without him by my side tonight, but it's just for a few nights while I'm here. hopefully, I get to go home in just a few days and without complications. I didn't get my boobs, that's about the only complication I can handle right now, I'm all out of energy for that shit.

I wish I could hug all my kids, but I can't force my body to move to embrace them, it's too much. "I love you all, be good for Daddy, okay?" I tell them and blow them a kiss. "okay Mommy" Maddie sighs dramatically making me laugh. The laughing makes my chest hurt but I push away pain from my face, they don't need to know I'm hurting.

Everyone leaves and I'm all alone in a sterile hospital room. I hate hospitals, always have, but here I am stuck for at least a few days. I'm not naïve, I know this won't be my last night in the hospital during my treatment, most people land in here for at least a few days during their treatment for some kind of complication or side effect. I'm not naïve enough to think I'm the exception, that I'm some sort of unique case that can get by without it.

Sighing I grab my new e-reader that Travis already set up with my Amazon account so I have access to the books I already own and can buy new books as well. Sometimes I like to re-read the books I've already read, my favorite ones. There is something comforting about reading something I've already read, I know what happens, but I love it so much that I can immerse myself fully into the story. I don't think my medicine-influenced head can handle a new book right now, so I open the reader and search for one of my favorite books. "Say You Swear."

It's such a sad book in many ways, but it's also filled with passion, and I don't know how many times I've read it. Noah and Arianna are OTP for sure. I'm going to settle in for the night and really enjoy a book to try to get my mind on something other than the pain in my chest.