hits different - Taylor Swift and Travis kelce

first chemo

-Taylors pov-

The day is here and I'm not ready. My first round of chemo is starting this morning and I feel like I might pass out. will I ever be ready for something like this? Are anyone? I doubt it. you're pumping your veins full of toxic killer drugs to kill something taking root in your body before that thing kills you first. I'm certainly, completely, not ready for this. But here I am walking into the hospital anyway.

Travis and I make our way up to the oncology floor where I will get the infusion this morning. He carries my bag with my e-reader, some snacks, and one of my favorite blankets for comfort. It tends to be cold in the hospital, at least I think so.

"you can do this beautiful" Travis whispers as he holds my hand and squeezes it. This man knows me better than anyone and can clearly sense I'm nervous. How can I not be when I don't know how my body will react to this? It could turn into a big old mess that's out of my control, and I hate not being in control.

"how do you always have so much faith in me?" I ask him before we step into the oncology department. I always wonder how he can see me as so strong when I feel so weak. I don't feel like I have everything together, I feel like I'm drowning in the bad kind of anticipation.

"Because I love you, and I believe in you" he kisses my cheek before we check in at the reception desk and are told to take a seat to wait.

It only takes a few minutes before my oncologist and a nurse come and get us "Your blood work is as good as can be expected. Are you ready?" Dr. Marlow asks me. "ready? No. but let's do it anyway."

We head into a big room with chairs going all around the walls. It's those recliners you see in movies when people are getting infusions, and there is plenty of medical equipment going around. Several patients are in chairs getting their chemo infused, some with hair, some with beanies on their heads clearly bald. Everyone is in different stages of treatment, and there is something sad hanging over the room.

"take a seat Taylor and we will get you started on your first round of the first cycle" She goes on to explain the drugs I'm having administered and how there are three rounds in each cycle with one week between the three cycles I'm having.

"We have already talked about the side effects, but I'm going to go over them again. You can experience fatigue, hair loss, easy bruising and bleeding, infections, anemia, nausea, vomiting, appetite changes, constipation, fevers, diarrhea, pain with swallowing or other mouth and throat problems, numbness, tingling, and pain, skin and nail changes, urine and bladder changes, kidney problems, weight changes, problems with concentration and focus, chills, mood changes and changes in libido and sexual function."

The more words she puts in there the more stressed out I get. I know she is required to go over it, but it still makes me more nervous. Who wants to hear all this shit right before they are going to be infused with the killer drugs? Certainly not me. part of me wants to live in ignorant bliss and not deal with any of this crap. But she is just doing her job, I try to remember that instead of snapping her head off.

"I'll leave you to it. nurse Galloway here is going to take good care of you" Dr. Marlow says after confirming I don't have any questions for her right now. I'm too overwhelmed to have questions anyway so I just nod that I'm fine. fake it till you make it right?

"Okay, I'm going to put an IV in your hand now and get you started," Nurse Galloway says and gets the stuff to poke me. I just sit there and let her do her thing, not moving an inch. I'm scared of needles but I'm pretty sure this cancer thing has eliminated that fear with how often I get stuck.

I look at Travis while she does her thing and gets the pump set to the right setting after getting the IV in place. It didn't hurt too badly, she is good at poking people, probably after loads of practice.

"it will take about two hours for this round to enter your bloodstream. I'll be back to check on you, but you can always pull on the line to your left and I will come as soon as I can" she says and shows me the red tread hanging out from the wall connected to some kind of system that alerts them. She gets a chair for Travis and then leaves us to ourselves.

"How are you feeling?" Travis asks and takes the hand that's not attached to an IV. "I'm hanging in there. A bit tired" We got up early, and I already hadn't slept much anyway. I'm pretty sure I could fall asleep if I wasn't so nervous about having side effects. They told us some of them might not even set in before we get home or tonight.

"you can sleep, I'll keep watch over you beautiful," he says and caresses my face before laying the blanket over my lap. I don't think I can relax enough to sleep, but I can at least rest my eyes for a bit and not look around the room at all the sad fates.

**

I didn't have any side effects in the hospital but by the time we get home I'm feeling nauseous and dizzy. "are you okay Taylor?" Travis says and steady my body. It's like someone put weights on my shoulders pulling me towards the floor. If he wasn't holding me, I'm pretty sure I would slide down on the floor and stay there for a while.

"I'm not feeling too good" I rasp out and he decides to pick me up bridal style and carries me upstairs to our bedroom. He pulls the covers back before gently laying me down. "what do you need beautiful? And I'll get it."

"I don't kno---" I start before the bile makes its way up my throat and I can't stop myself from throwing up all over myself. everything I've eaten today makes its way up and I start to cry.

"It's okay, I've got you. you're okay" Travis soothes me before running to the bathroom to get a towel while my body tries to force something out of an empty stomach. I'm covered in vomit and the stench makes me more nauseous. If this is what it's going to be like I don't know if I can do this. How can I face this for weeks and months on end? how can anyone?

"I can't do this Travis" I rasp out and he pushes my hair away from my damp forehead "You can, and I'll be right here with you. I believe in you, Taylor."

-Elena Pov-

When I get home from school Jacob, and I make our way upstairs to get changed out of our uniforms. At first, it was weird wearing something like this, but now I kind of like that everyone looks the same. That way no one can make fun of me for holes in my clothes or how they aren't as expensive as someone else's. The clothes Taylor and Travis have gotten me are all nice with no holes, but that's not how my life used to be.

We pass the master bedroom when we hear hysterical sobs coming from the other side of the door, I'm pretty sure it's Taylor so I stop dead in my tracks. She went to the hospital this morning to get chemo and I've been worried about her all day. It was hard to focus on schoolwork when your foster mom whom you really like was in the hospital.

It hurts to hear her cry; I don't like it when people cry. It hurts to know someone else is hurting. I've been worried that her being sick is going to make them send us back. How can they handle illness, twin toddlers, and two older kids at the same time? someone will have to go, and I'm scared it's us. It wouldn't be a surprise, it's how it always is, but I'm starting to feel at home here. it feels nice being with them, and they do everything they can to make us feel like we belong with them. Now things are changing though, she is sick and that will take a lot of time and patience. I don't want to go back into the system, but how can we not when they have so much else to worry about than us? I try not to be a bother, or be in the way, but they insist on being present for so much and I'm worried they will get overwhelmed.

"don't listen in Elena" Jacob nudges me and I turn to him with tears in my eyes "Do you think they will send us back Jacob? She is sick and they have more important things to worry about than us."

"I don't know Elena. But come on, I don't want them to catch us" he says and nudges me further down the hall and away from the cries at the other side of the door. Taylor is in pain, and I wish I could do something to help her, but I'm helpless here. and they are going to send us away, how can they not?