Separated

Chapter 32 - Minori

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I'll prove it to you if that is what you wish.

I still couldn't understand how he had the patience or still thought I was worth something to him. I wouldn't really want to be in a relationship with a person like me. I required too much effort, too much patience, too much waiting, and waiting, and even more waiting.

It was easier to go find someone else who was willing to do everything in a matter of seconds with the same kind of connection.

The kind of connection we share but I probably will never find besides him.

And yet here he was, still there in front of me. Willing to wait for me. Willing to help me.

Willing.

I've never relied on anyone besides my family. They were the only people I trusted my life with. The only people who have showed me through their actions that they could and would put their lives on the line to protect me.

"What if you get tired of me? What if you find out I'm not worth it?" I question in a hushed tone.

The little weak part of me didn't want to hear any answers that was going to break me further. But wasn't it better to hear it now than to be hurt later with a force bigger than it is now?

"It seems you don't know me well enough. Minori, mark my words. I will never get tired of you. You are worth every millisecond I spend my time on. You are worth every and all my attention. You are worth anything and everything I am capable of offering to you." He plants a hand on my cheek, gliding his thumb underneath my eye, brushing away the traitorous tears that still continued to flow. 

I bring my gaze towards his. His deep ocean blue eyes. The ones that were capable of appearing chaotic like the rough seas but also has the manage to materialise like the calm and serene, glittering seas. I suppose it's true when they say eyes are the opening to the soul. I didn't believe the line until I met him.

In the twenty-one years of my life, I have been told I was important. I have been told that I am loved. And I have wholeheartedly believed them because those who tell me those things were people who proved it to me with their actions. By looking out for me, by taking care of me, spending time with me.

But I have not been told that my mere existence on its own was worth spending time or attention on. I have not been told that someone would offer everything they are capable of giving to me.

Until him.

He said his promises.

And so have I.

I promised to fight. To fight for us.

I can imagine my father disapproving and Nikolai's organization holding a riot of their own, but I wasn't raised to easily back down. And I sure shouldn't be backing away from him. He was the first and only person besides the circle of people I have grown up with, who saw me as me from the first encounter face to face.

Which was probably why I wanted to distance myself away from him in the beginning. Too scared of him displacing the brick wall I have built up around me. Too scared to find the real me appearing in the forefront instead of the backgrounds.

But after with the limited but deep conversations we've had, I shouldn't have been scared. I liked how he destroyed the walls that surround me. It felt free. It felt . . . normal. I liked the real me in front of him. It was more natural, more me.

And I realise that as much as the unfazed, apathetic Minori was comfortable to live in, it was a little suffocating, a little too unnatural. Too much of pretending and faking.

I take the hand that was still planted on my cheek with both hands and bring it to my chest. "Do you remember when you said that I want to break, bend, and remake all the rules?"

"Yes. Yes I do."

"I will do them all. I will break and bend and remake all the rules. All the rules my family and your organization that puts us apart. I will break them if need be and bend them where necessary." I say, truly making up my mind. I was all in for this man.

"Ambitious. I like it." He muses, agreeing with my sentiment while threading his fingers through my hair. The hair I don't like people touching in general. And yet this mindless but comforting touch felt so grounding. "What shall I do for you to make this happen?"

I smile at his question. I like how he was going to bend down for me.

"You said you'll change your organisation. We can start from there." I answer feeling hopeful for the first time in a long time.

Hopeful of the future that I could make. Hopeful of the future I will spend with him.

"Seems like a plan." He moves in closer towards and then scoops me into his hold, cuddling me against his chest. "But for now, sleep. Don't worry, you'll be safe here."

I relax against his hold, the warmth emanating from familiar and reassuring.

"But the real question is, will you be safe here?" I tease him.

"Tough question. I don't know, you tell me." He humours me, resuming to thread his fingers through my hair.

"I'll be nice tonight. Afterall, you have been quite the gentleman."

"Ah, so accommodating of you. I thank you for sparing my life."

"Just for tonight."

"Just for tonight." He repeats bringing me closer to him as physically as possible. And I wasn't complaining, I wanted that as much as he does.

With my decision made and set, I would have to tackle down a couple of issues but that was for future me to worry about. Because with the decisions I have made, I have chosen to live in the moment. Despite the nightmares, the triggers, and aversions to more things than considered normal, I wanted no more of the Minori who faked her way through everything. Being fake and living comfortably wasn't going to achieve what I want or need.

From this point forward, I swore to ditch the fake persona for the real me, flaws and all. Only then will people understand how much I am going to take. I will take everything I need for the life I want.

I will achieve what others couldn't.