On His Roster (Aviación #1) Completed

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I am not used to witnessing warmth, growing up my family has always been complicated and complex. Hindi ako sanay na may magandang relasyon sa pamilya something peaceful that you can live in harmony with one another while treating everyone fairly.

I watched how Giulia took care of her child and i am amazed by it. 

I understand that for some people, motherhood is the dream, and I admire them for that because it takes a lot to be a good parent, but I am also aware that not all women are willing to sacrifice themselves for that life called motherhood.

I will always be the girl who is used to standing only on the sidelines, watching everyone have their big happy moment, while I looked at these people from the outside, having nothing even a bit of reason to be happy about my life or even myself.

Stability is a lifelong ambition that appears misty and difficult to accomplish for me, so no matter how much I push myself to grasp a tiny bit of hope to live, I will always have the chains on my ankles stopping me from going. My heart grew up with a lot of fears because I was raised in a home where uncertainty was believed to be normal.

I know that Deuce loves his nieces so much. I can tell by the way he took care of Luna while they're here in his apartment.

Magkatabi sila hanggang sa dining kahit noong dinner ay panay kwento ng pamangkin niya tungkol sa buhay nila sa italy. Ramdam ko ang katahimikan nang umalis na ang bisita na para bang bitbit ni Luna ang kasiyahan at ang gaan nang lumabas na sila ng pintuan.

It was an experience I had never had before. The soft energy and lightness that a child can infuse into a home.

Napangiti ako habang iniisip ang mga nangyari buong araw.

"Having them in the same space is nice, even though their mischievous behavior occasionally causes headaches." Deuce cleared the messy living room when I went upstairs to get ready for bed.

"You really have a good family. You had a good experience somehow while growing up with them in Italy." wala sa sarili kong bulong. "Maybe that's why it's easy for you to think of having your own family someday." I continued.

"We see things differently because we are scarred differently." He defended, downplaying his experiences.

Umiling ako.

"You grew up in a gentle home with loving parents. You had a happy home as a child, and that made you optimistic about having one for yourself too."

"Av..."

"It made me feel better knowing that you recognize a happy home at least you got an idea of what to become once you're building your own family." Tipid akong ngumiti. "I, on the other hand, I have always witnessed bad endings in life, so it is no longer a surprise for me to witness mine as well, if it happens in the future." bulong ko.

"Why would you say that?"

I shrugged. 

"I am the type of person that people cannot tolerate. They can't stay with me because I am the girl who was just born to be left alone. My mother was eager to give me away, and like I assumed that I was, I ruined a home because of my bad curse. Their once-happy family broke up, and it is all because I entered the picture."

"Don't say that...that's not true at all." he's stunned by what I opened up to him. 

Umiling ako at nagpatuloy.

I didn't really plan to stay here for days but I'm free flowing with life so no surprise that i am still here in his bedroom. Wala akong dalang extra na damit, ni mga toiletries and skincare ay wala rin. I went inside his walk-in closet and checked what inside it.