On His Roster (Aviación #1) Completed

Hervé

Present and past

Every time we cross paths at work, her broken and disappointed eyes break my heart. The way she avoids my gaze or tries to keep a distance from me hurts like another knife slowly piercing my skin, making it painful for me to hold on to her. I'm scared that Avis will truly leave me, she really drives me insane and insecure.

It seems like every moment we spend apart, every second of her keeping her silence, she gradually disappears; slowly fades, she always fades.

"You are not the reason I had to end things with her; it was already done before we even started. I'm divorcing her, and you have no bearing on that decision. We ended before you came. What I'm doing now is essentially just formality, settling my assets and also ending my relationship with Caren."

Because I was so upfront and straightforward in my words, she failed to hide her shock and i notice signs of disbelief on her face. I don't want her to blame herself on the situation, something that she wasn't even involved in. Avis is not the reason for the downfall of my marriage.

My history should be in the past, and I don't want her to feel horrible about it. We should be concentrating on our future together, but seeing how remorseful she appeared about it made me feel awful too. I don't want to worry her or put her in a bad situation.

"So why did you keep that secret from me? You promised honesty, you made me promise to be honest about everything. Communicating is important to keep our relationship going but you're not doing what you're preaching to me,"

She avoided making eye contact with me as if she's having a hard time breathing the same air as me.

I still stare into her eyes and notice how lifeless her face has become. She seemed genuinely upset with me, and although it's difficult to accept the truth at this point, it's now reality.

Even if I feel like the best and most qualified person and that other people look up to me, it's difficult to admit it to her and be transparent about my fears since I feel so small and vulnerable around her.

No matter how much people think highly of me or how hard I work to excel at whatever I do, Avis makes me feel inadequate and unworthy. How can I possibly win her over if I'm a divorced man who couldn't maintain a marriage?

"I'm...afraid that you won't even give me a chance ," i swallowed as the words escaped my lips, when she heard me nervously stutter she finally looked at me with her tired eyes.

"Since you might not like me at all. Since the beginning, I've been fighting for us; I'm the one pursuing and pleading with you for extra chances.  I'm afraid you won't like me anymore or that you'll leave me. I'm so sacred that you might stay away."

I still struggle to fix the mess in my life and am in the middle of a divorce. I carry a lot of baggage from my past. I still have a lot to accomplish and issues to resolve. Knowing deep down that I'm never that good, how can I even face her? I am a failed man who has many shortcomings.

A man who can't keep a marriage is a failed man.

Marriage is one of the accomplishments that men brag about and talk endlessly about in our culture, which values family and relationships. You are the family's head and a leader because you are a man. 

If you have raised your family well, you are both a good leader and a successful businessman. Businesses will assess your leadership and knowledge based on the information your family has made available to the public about your history and reputation.

Your family is your resume and a representation of who you are as a man, as a husband, and as a businessman. Looking at how you manage your household and lead your family indicates how you can be a good boss to your employees. Even in marriage and business, contracts must be signed and promises made. That is how important it is to men.