On His Roster (Aviación #1) Completed

Hervé

Present

Some people say that quiet people are crazy. Well, my girl is pretty and nice, and she can act like a baby most of the time, which calls for a lot of tenderness, but she can also be someone who enjoys having her hair pulled when fucking. She has the capacity to be both the sweetest and the wildest.

I know that no matter how she tries to be better and appear a strong facade she still is a baby. I make an effort to contact her the night before my flight, making sure that she's alright before i go to work, and I sincerely appreciate that my phone call aligns with her time zone. I know she's been in a terrible mood lately, so I tell her to go back to bed. It hurts to see how devastated she was over the miscarriage, and I make a lot of effort to lessen her grief.

After almost a month of not having any communication with her, she suddenly decided to contact me two days ago.

I feel so guilty about our loss and everyone blamed me for it. Even i am hateful towards myself because i know that i've been neglectful to my girlfriend.

I admit that i really believed when Caren was so sure about me being the father. I am hopeful that i am indeed the father maybe that's why i'm being cooperative along the way.

I am slowly looking forward to meeting the doctors and know what's happening with the pregnancy. Caren was so sure about it that she made me really excited. There's a part of me that still wants to trust her even after what she did to me.

I know that Avis hates having kids and she is not open about the idea of being pregnant. I don't wanna pressure her about it because i know it's her right to choose what her body has to go through.

I love her and i don't wanna pressure her even though personally i've been dreaming about having a child.

Hearing about Caren's pregnancy feels like a blessing in disguise for me. At the time, my thoughts were that since I wanted the child and was prepared to become a father, it would be easy for me to cooperate and accept Caren. If this is true, then I believe it's also a win-win for me because I can continue to be a dad to my child with Caren and stay with Avis because I love her as my partner and at the same time i respect her disliking the role as a mother.

She doesn't need to worry about carrying a child for me anymore. Perhaps this is why I'm looking forward to visiting Caren because of the baby I'm expecting.

I figure everything will work out, I'll be happy to have a kid, and Caren will be free to live her life as she pleases, with or without Reno. Even so, I am content and stable in Dubai with Avis and our new addition. Avis is free to pursue her interests and fulfill her goals. With Avis and a baby, I'm content.

But the plans never materialized, and Caren told lies about me being her child's father. Additionally, we were unaware that Avis was pregnant, and when she miscarried, we lost our child.

The feelings are terrible—we had a miscarriage, and I still feel crushed and responsible. Many regrets and what-ifs exist in my head.

It felt a lot like a replay of the scene in the Maldives when I carried Avi's body and called for medical help. Watching how Avis was on the verge of dying at the moment was so terrifying.

It hurts to watch life slowly fade before your very eyes. I've been hoping to start a family of my own, but that dream has now been snatched away from me.

I'm in a terrible place of sorrow, and I know that I worried everyone—even Avis—about my sanity. However, I came to the realization that nature is the wisest judge and that if there is a miscarriage, neither Avis nor I have "done" anything to cause it—nature simply recognizes a problem and ends the pregnancy.