On His Roster (Aviación #1) Completed

53

1 year

It's our first anniversary now and i didn't even imagine that there's going to be a lot of changes in just one year.

Yoni is married now. Hindi ko halos naisip na siya pa ang unang ikakasal sa amin. Palaging siya yung maraming sinasabing negatibo tungkol sa mga lalake kaya nang nalaman kong kasal na siya ay hindi ako makapaniwala.

Nalaman nalang naming lahat na kasal na nga si Yoni noong year-end party namin. Si Dinara naman ay panay iyak lang ang ginagawa dahil mukhang hindi sila okay ng boyfriend niyang Maldives boy.

"Did you decide to stay with me because you believed that I was your only chance to develop something real and become a parent before you turn thirty five?"

Twenty six na ako at thirty two naman si Deuce. 

"Av," he sighed and hold my hands so tight. "Don't say things like that. I chose you and i will keep on choosing you because you mean the world to me, you are my life, baby. Please don't ever doubt my love for you. I am here because of you and there is no other reason. Just you,"

He kissed the back of my hand and stare at me so lovingly while i lay comfortably on the hospital bed. Naka uniporme pa siya at pagod na galing sa trabaho. Agad siyang pumunta rito nang nalaman na nagka emergency na naman.

"But this is our third miscarriage, Deuce. I don't even know why this keeps on happening to us. It seems like my body just can't give you the only thing you need in life,"

Umiling siya at pinalis ang mga luha sa aking mata. "I'm not complaining, Av, and i don't wanna see you blaming yourself like this when we both know you've been doing everything right for the baby. There's nothing wrong with you, alright? Please listen to me."

Napapikit nalang ako at mas naiyak. Agad naman niya akong niyakap at hinayaan nalang na lamunin kaming dalawa ng katahimikan at kalungkutan.

Nakikita ko ang lungkot sa kaniyang mga mata kaya mas lalo lang sumama ang aking loob. Alam kong masakit para sa kaniya at dismayado siya kahit hindi niya sinasabi sa akin. Pansamantala na nga akong tumigil sa trabaho dahil sa pagbubuntis ko. Gusto naming dalawa na mag focus at mag ingat dahil nga buntis ako pero kahit na ginawa na namin ang lahat ay wala pa rin.

Ilang buwan na akong hindi nagtatrabaho at nasa bahay lang kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit nakunan pa rin ako. Nasa bahay na nga lang ako hindi ko pa maingatan ng maayos ang aming anak.

"I'm sorry...I-i'm really sorry for being such a disappointment to you and your family," hindi ko na napigilan at humagulhol na. Paano nalang kung malalaman nila na nawalan na naman kami ng anak ngayon? "They were so happy..."

"I am...i am really trying to keep the baby—"

"Shhh...i know. I know that you want the baby, too. You want the baby and you are doing everything you can to keep it safe and healthy,"

"I am so sorry for hurting you again,"

Umiling siya at niyakap niya ako ng sobrang higpit. "Please, you are hurting me more every time you are blaming yourself for our loss. Stop hurting yourself, please? If you're are worrying about me, don't. I am perfectly fine and it hurts to see you like this, Av. It is not your fault, it is no one's failure, okay?"

"I should have been more careful..."

"Baby," he smiled at me but it never reached his eyes. "We still can try again...there's still a lot of time for us to try. You're such a great mommy and i know you have already sacrificed a lot for us to have a baby and i really appreciate you so much..."