MUNA

PART 49 : LOVE TRIANGLES

Being loved is the problem, because love is a demand; when you're loved, someone wants more of you.

★ ★ ★

KPMG is a renowned firm that recruits fresh graduates from almost all fields of education, and the corps members that worked there seemed to feel like 'big men and women' because their salaries were second to none.

Well, besides the likes of oil companies like Chevron, Shell, NNPC, etc.

Almost all the excos at Muna's NYSC LGA were working at KPMG, and their pop (passing out parade) day was coming up this week.

Audrina didn't want to be a part of the ceremony. She just wished she'd come get her certificate of service completion and get the fuck out. Well, she had planned to 'celebrate' with Muna that evening after she broke the news of her new apartment to her.

But her KPMG compatriots were not having it. They had contributed some money to have a hangout at Oniru Beach as soon as they had all collected their certificates. And also, I took the routine pictures with the LGi.

Audrina tried to object, but Ralia insisted. As the outgoing president, she requested that her vice president also be there at the hangout.

What Audrina didn't know was that Ralia had been crushing on her for the longest time and had been becoming wary of how often Audrina talked to and about a certain Muna.

Their colleagues were sometimes teasing her about how she and Audrina looked like a good duo (as president and vice president), but Ralia had interpreted it as a "good couple."

Since their conversation on the rooftop, Audrina has avoided being alone in a place with Ralia because of the awkwardness, but Ralia felt she was avoiding her. She thought it was because Audrina might actually feel something for her too, even though Audrina has never given any intentional green light.She had even apologized for leading Ralia on, if at all she did.

The conversation had ended with Audrina—in the calmest of voices—telling Ralia that she was sorry for giving any impression of having any feelings for her, but she hoped they could remain friends.

Ralia had not taken that so well, but she put up an expression of acceptance and told Audrina she still wanted to be friends.

Ralia really wanted to know who it was that had gotten Audrina's heart. Could it be someone she knew?

She had her suspicions, but they were mere suspicions until proven true.

She was sure Muna was the reason for her ill-fated love life, but she had nothing against the girl anyway. 

TJ was also a corps member whose primary place of appointment was at KPMG, and he had once in a while come across Ralia at the office.

One day, she asked him what his relationship was with Muna. She hadn't referred to Muna by her name then because she didn't know her name, but TJ knew who she was talking about.

He told her that he just had a crush on her and they were good friends, but he hoped for more. Ralia asked him why he hadn't asked her out yet, and she encouraged him to. Preaching about how painful it could be to see the one person you have feelings for slip out of your hands because you were too scared to take a step.

An unarticulated crush is very different from an unrequited one, because at least with an unrequited crush, you know what the hell you're doing, even if the other person isn't doing it back.

What both TJ and Ralia didn't know was that they both had an unarticulated crush on Muna and Audrina, respectively.

An unarticulated crush is harder to grapple with because it's a crush that you haven't even admitted to yourself. The romantic forces are all there: you want to see this person, you always notice them, and you treat every word from them as if it weighs more than anyone else's. But you don't know why.

You don't know that you're doing it. You'd follow them to the end of the earth without ever admitting that your feet were moving.

"Can you describe what you feel for her? Muna, I mean?" Ralia had asked him that day.

"Oh, you know, Muna reminds me of an old girlfriend. Some girls look at you like they want sex. Muna looks at you like you've already had sex; it was great, and now you're just friends—even 7899 though you want more. Drives guys crazy. You know what I mean?"

Yes, Ralia thought. "No," she said.

"Well, what about you?" TJ asked her.

"Me? What?"

"How do you feel about this crush of yours that you've carefully avoided mentioning all these while?"

Ralia smiled.

"For the record, it's a she. Are you homophobic?"

"Nope. I don't give a damn who anybody has feelings for, as long as it's not someone I want."
TJ told her.

"Thank goodness." Ralaia was glad TJ wasn't homophobic but she wasn't sure 

"Yeah, so how does this person make you feel?"

"Like someone real," Ralia heard herself saying.

"Someone who never has to pretend and who I never have to pretend around. Someone who's smart but knows how to laugh at herself. Someone who would listen to a symphony and start to cry because she understood that music can be too big for words. Someone who knows me better than I know myself. Someone I want to talk to first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Someone I feel like I've known my whole life, even if I haven't. That's how she makes me feel, TJ."

She looked at him when she finished and raised her brows, waiting for him to say something.

"Uhmm, you don't have a crush, Ralia. You are in love!" TJ said that and smiled at her.

She palmed her face and sighed. She knew he was not wrong.

★ ★ ★