Daddy Issues

42 - Homeless

I've no idea how much time has passed when Dan's car pulls up at the bus stop. I've been sitting there with my hand on my suitcase, staring into nothing.

Mom's words keep ringing in my ears.

Your father had the right idea.

You ruin everything you come near to.

You make it impossible to love you.

I've known for a long time that she didn't like me. But I guess I thought that at least a part of her cared about me in some way. After all, she is my mother.

But if she did, I've ruined that by kissing Dan. I've been so stupid. I never should have let it happen. I knew she'd never forgive me.

I blink when the car drives into my view, dragging me back into the present a little. Dan gets out with an anxious face and hurries over to me.

'Emma, my God, are you okay?'

He sits down next to me and throws his arm around me to pull me in for an embrace. I don't protest, but I don't really react to it either. I still feel numb. If I wasn't sitting here with my suitcase, I wouldn't even believe it really happened.

If you're old enough to whore yourself out to a forty-year-old, you're old enough to take care of yourself.

What am I supposed to do now? I have no job, no money. Nothing besides whatever my mother put into this suitcase.

'Emma, are you hearing me?'

I try to focus on Dan when he puts his hand on my cheek and gently turns my face to look at him. He looks so concerned.

'What did you say?' I ask him dazedly.

'I said that those things she said to you were horrible. And they're not true, you didn't deserve any of that.'

'I did deserve it,' I say with a frown. 'I shouldn't have kissed you.'

'What we did was wrong, but that still didn't give her the right to talk to you like that. I can't believe she would...'

He cuts off his own sentence and shakes his head incredulously. He still has his hand on my face. His thumb brushes my cheek over and over.

'What?'

He looks me intently in the eye and holds me a little firmer.

'She blames you for what happened with Jack?'

I look him into his eyes, but I don't answer. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to repeat the things she told me all that time ago. She kept true to her word. She never forgave me.

Dan's eyes grow even more concerned.

'You know that's not true, right?' he says adamantly. 'It wasn't your fault, what happened. You were just a kid.'

'I don't know, Dan,' I shrug. 'Maybe. But I'm not a kid now. I didn't mean to... to feel this way about you. I knew she'd hate me if she found out what happened.'

'She doesn't-'

'Don't say that,' I cut him off. 'Don't say that she doesn't hate me. She made it very clear. I think she's hated me since Jack. Maybe before that.'

I don't know when I started crying again. But all of a sudden Dan is wiping away my tears and he pulls me closer to him again. I finally let go of my suitcase to hold him too. He might be the reason I'm in this mess, but he's also the only one who can console me.

'I was going to say she doesn't deserve you,' he says. 'I'm sorry I ever thought that I could help make things better. She's not... the person I thought she was. No mother should treat her child like that.'