Daddy Issues

69 - Never wanted to hurt you

She's lost her mind. If she'd really release a video of me having sex to the world, she's actually lost her mind. Of all the things I thought might be behind the break up, this option hadn't even crossed my mind.

I need to destroy that video. That's the thought that keeps going through my mind. With that video, she'll always have a sense of control over me.

I don't even know if I would want to get back together with Dan if I could. I need time to think about that. Even if he thought he was protecting me by breaking up with me, he hurt me so much. He came to mean so much to me in such a short time. For the first time in a long time, I felt what it could be like to really let someone get close. To really trust someone.

And then it all fell away. And I remembered exactly why I always preferred random hook-ups to anything real. It was devastating. I don't know if I could go through that again.

But I know one thing. It should be up to me and Dan to decide if we want to be together or not. We need to be able to make that decision without some crazy threat hanging over us.

My mind's racing so much that I hardly realize that I've already reached home when I drive my bike around the corner. It's a cheap, old thing that I bought to save some money on public transport. Usually, I end up cursing myself as soon as I start to break a sweat, but after the talk with Yuki, it was actually a bit of a relief to paddle it all out.

I'm still feeling anxious, though. So I toss it quickly into the storage locker and run up the stairs to our apartment in an effort to get all this frantic energy out. I've no idea what to do next. Anything I do might lead to her actually posting the video. That's what she said she'd do if Dan told anybody.

I'm so worked up, I just call out a quick greeting without actually registering who's in the living room before rushing into my own room and plunging down onto the bed. I need to come up with a plan. Maybe I should tell Mel about everything. She might be able to help me-

'Emma?'

Annoyed, I turn to my back and sit up to face Sandra, who's peeking into my room.

'What?' I ask, more brusquely than I normally would. It doesn't go unnoticed.

'Jeez. Guess your mood didn't get much better since this morning.'

'What is it?' I ask, trying for a slightly softer tone. 'I'm sorry, I'm going through something.'

'Clearly,' she says, giving me a bit of a judgemental look. 'I was only gonna say, there's this guy in the living room that wants to see you.'

'A guy?' I ask, panic rising up my throat. It can't be him, can it? 'What guy?'

'He's pretty cute,' Sandra shrugs. 'If you like older guys. Which I do, so if you're not interested, do you mind if I-'

Before she can finish her sentence, I'm off the bed, rushing into the living room. But when I see him, I freeze. Somehow, the image of Dan standing rather awkwardly in the middle of my living room, hands in his pockets, doesn't make sense to me. The life I tried to move on from and the life I'm trying to build, clashing into one.

He looks tired. Which makes sense, given the state he was in yesterday. And a little forlorn. Like he knows he isn't supposed to be here.

'What are you doing here?' I ask him sharply.

I went three months without seeing him. Three months missing him like crazy. Until yesterday. It was so painful to see him again. It still is. Even with the information I've learned.

Dan looks a little hurt by my tone. His gaze drops to the floor for a moment and he clears his throat, like he's trying to prepare himself to speak to me.