Gedankenwelt

Cut the darkness away...

(TW: SV)

The darkness rose until there was nothing else left. I stood alone in this empty, lonely and cold place. "Hello? Is anyone there?," I shouted. Panic started to build up inside of me but I tried to fight it down.
"You know what you have to do to escape the darkness," a voice whispered.
I did know. But I did not want to do it.
"You've got the choice - do it or stay here."
I knew I couldn't do anything else to bring back the light. I knew that I didn't have enough energy left to bring back a light by doing anything else. I've been fighting for too long.
"It's okay. You can give up now. There's no other chance left. Waiting is just going to make everything worse."
I knew this was true. And I didn't want it to become even worse since I already nearly couldn't stand this pain, this darkness anymore.

It only took one cut. One moment of physical pain. The pain turned into a bright light in the middle of all the darkness. It went through my arm straight towards my heart from where it shone through the darkness and pushed it away.
But when the pain lost its intencity, I felt all of my tiredness and weakness pushing me down until I broke down under the weight of it.
I laid on the cold, hard ground, surrounded by the light by overwhelmed by the guilt and disappointment. It did help in the moment of light. But now I'm only tired.
Tired of trying over and over again. Tired of always failing in the end. Tired of feeling the need to have the pain. Tired of what has become my life.

There was brightness all around me. People started to come back. The streets were full again. But nobody noticed this broken girl lying on the ground with the cut on her wrist. The cut she had done to herself to get back her light but that only took another piece of her.