Discordance

Chapter Sixty

He had been upset with her, well as much as his heart would allow him to but yet he yearned for her in a way that was damn near impossible. Looking at her panicked face made his insides squirm in an unpleasant way because he never wanted her to look like she currently was, her face scrunched up in fear as her eyes filled and her mouth opening and closing trying to get the words out.

Not wanting to spook his already skittish monkey, he cautiously moved to sit up and rest his back on the back of the bed but apparently it spooked his wife because she looked at him with her tearful gaze and pounced on him without letting him catch his breath.

"Oof monkey" he gasped out reluctantly sighing and holding her to him when she buried her face into his neck mumbling something incoherent that he simply could not place. After he listened in for a beat longer he realized she was mumbling a "sorry" over and over. Fuck, he didn't need her to be distraught, he just wanted her trust.

"C'mon shhh" he muttered trying to pry her away but a normal Akshara was impossible to wrench away from her spot in his neck, this version of Akshara would make it unimaginable.

When he felt her tears dripping down his neck, he knew he had to do something "Okay enough" he said and even to him his voice sounded loud and angry so naturally Akshara jerked up and away from him in shock, blinking at him with big fat tears rolling down her face.

"I-Imsorry" she stuttered before moving away from his lap to sit in front of him, pulling her legs to her chest and hugging her knees close whimpering softly.

"Why are you sorry?" he asked cautiously. He needed to know if she understood why he was upset or was just apologizing to get him to talk to her again. She looked up at him but quickly pulled her eyes away and Abhimanyu gave a resigned sigh at that knowing that she wouldn't respond. With a tug of his hair, he turned his back to her needing to put some distance between them because there would be no point in him being frustrated, all it would do was make her go deeper into her shell.

He was about to get up when he felt her small hand reach out and tug his bicep gently "A minute" she whispered hoarsely, his resolve quickly crumbling at her words. How the hell was he supposed to stay mad at her when she acted this damn cute. Nodding his head he sat back down but refused to turn around and watch the struggle on her face as she tried to convey her feelings. Maybe this was for the better and she could untangle her feelings while still derive strength from him. However, she pulled her hand away and more than her, he felt the loss keenly.

"I hurt you...and I don't like you mad at me." He still didn't think she understood the gravity of things but when he turned around to tell her exactly that he found her looking at a spot away from the bed, staring a hole into the wall, her legs tucked to her chest and the sight was so pitiful that his heart ached.

"I trust you Abhimanyu, with my entire life. I wish you would understand how much I trust you." Gulping once she carried on "I...I don't trust myself." This he wasn't prepared for.

"explain" he said trying not to sound too threatening.

"I keep taking and taking from you and while you would never complain, I feel pathetic. Like I need help to live life and someone to guide me into navigating the emotional avalanche. Not once did I doubt that you wouldn't help me or be there for me, you have to know that Abhimanyu." She sounded so distraught as she said it that he reached out and patted her arm "I don't want to bring back old memories but I've never had anyone I can rely on and if I expected something from someone, it never happened."

She took a sharp inhale of breath before gathering strength to keep talking but her voice sounded so eerie that the hair on his arm rose in anticipation "If I told our cook to make kachoris, suddenly when I went home the menu would have changed and I wouldn't get to eat. Someone would promise that I could go to school picnics but then nobody would sign my forms." Fucck... hearing these small instances made him sick to his stomach, how had she lived through this daily? His eyes smarted but this was Akshara's moment and he couldn't get weak.