Discordance

Chapter Thirty

Akshara woke up with a start realizing she was on the bed instead of the couch and more so, she was alone, Abhimanyu wasn't around. He had said they would spend the day together so where had he gone off to? She reached out a hand over to his side of the bed to find the sheets cold making the first coils of anxiety unfurl in her stomach. Had he not slept next to her? Her hand was throbbing but she rejoiced internally when she found an ice pack over it, which was still freezing. So he couldn't have been gone for long right?

The early morning light brought with it a stark contrast to the darkness of last night and her head spun with all that had happened in the past 24 hours. She had been so resolute in pushing him away, putting some distance between them but it was all in vain. Her heart broke alongside his when she saw how disheartened and guilt stricken he was at her harsh words. She had sobbed and wailed and in the cold of the shower she had realized that it wasn't because of what her bade papa had done or said or even the potential loss of her brothers' attention. No, it was the thought of putting distance between her and Abhimanyu and letting him go and hurting him.

She couldn't do it, and how could she? When he had taken care of her like some precious cargo? Not once had his eyes peeked at her naked body, his touch had been fleeting and safe, so safe that Akshara in that moment wanted to divulge all her deepest secrets and burrow herself into him like they were one. She kept waiting for him to run or yell at her but he did neither instead he looked like it was his heart which was breaking. His sweet words and reassurances had singed her blood with a blanket of security nobody else could provide.

But what if the morning brought with it a profound sense of awareness and he turned his back to her? Her wounds were both physical, emotional and mental and she wasn't sure she could ever be an equal partner to him, just thinking about being a partner to someone was so disconcerting. Her cup was empty, so how would she fill his? But it jolted her very being when she realized that she wanted to try.

Her thoughts were suspended in the air around her when the door to the bathroom opened, letting out steam. In her anxious spiral she had failed to hear the shower running. Her breath hitched in her throat at Abhimanyu emerged from the steam like some hero, his chest bare and water droplets clinging to it as he rubbed the excess water out from his hair. Without thinking of the consequences, Akshara's feet moved of their own accord, and she found herself stumbling over and jumping on him, scaring the living daylights out of him.

"Uff Monkey, one day I won't be nimble enough to catch you and we're both going to fall" she knew it was a lie, he would always catch her, he had promised!

His aftershave was a few minutes fresh and Akshara buried her face into his neck, breathing deeply, clinging on to him with all her might, legs crossed behind his back.

"Good morning baby" he said so sweetly as he caressed her back and kissed her hair that Akshara's guilt doubled. She had been a fool to let her bade papa ruin the one good thing happening to her, she would not let him take Abhimanyu away. She really shouldn't have come home last night, she could have just lied and told him she was busy and taken that time to reflect what was an irrational reaction and what wasn't. Poor Abhimanyu!

"I'm sorry Abhimanyu" she whispered, voice thick with regret

"I told you last night that you had nothing to be sorry about baby, I will take whatever you dish out if it means you'll feel better." He murmured into her hair and Akshara's heart clenched at the underserved kindness he was showing her.

"But you shouldn't Abhimanyu. It didn't make me feel better, I don't want to hurt you, you're my-" she wasn't sure what to call him, what was he? Her husband, yes but they didn't feel like husband and wife.