Discordance

Chapter Eighty-Two

Her quiet sniffles broke his heart but the fact that she had willingly reached out to him and let him hold her filled his body with tiny flurries of hope, hope that maybe she didn't hate him and that she wouldn't run away.

"Monkey, please don't cry, I can't take it." He whispered hoarsely, his throat surprisingly full of tears. This would have been such a happy, joyous occasion for them but now it was tainted with dread, anxiety and oodles of pain, especially for Akshara. He had never wanted that, all he had wanted were pieces of her to exist in this world and so that he could love them with all his heart, like he loved his wife. He had wanted kids so that Akshara would permanently be tied to him and wouldn't leave him, selfish and juvenile as it may sound, but nothing was worth the pain she was facing. He wouldn't ruin her life at his expense and so despite the hitch in his heart every time he thought of their babies, he would blindly follow Akshara into whatever journey she wanted to venture on, his own feelings about it were inconsequential.

"Thank you for letting me hold you" Abhimanyu said into her hair, kissing it over and over like he had wanted to do from the time he had seen her on the hospital gurney "I thought I had lost you forever. I never ever want to see you like that ever again." He said with a soft shudder running through his spine but maybe he had said something misguided because Akshara let out a gentle yelp pulling away from him, her eyes wide and filled with tears.

Her trembling hands reached out for his cheeks and he let her do whatever she wanted, a sense of serenity consuming him as her thumbs gently wiped away each tear that fell "Oh Sona, I am sorry. I am here, safe and whole." He couldn't even form the words to tell her how shaken up he was and how much he was holding onto deep within him, but Akshara head tilt as she smiled softly down at him wiping away each tear that leaked out from the corner of his eye told him that she understood. "I have no intention of ever leaving you, I am your monkey." She said so sweetly and matter of factly that Abhimanyu choked out a laugh despite himself pulling her closer and hiding his face into her chest, careful to not brush the bandage at the back of her neck.

"I was so lost without you. I just want you by my side, I wouldn't be able to live without you Akshara" She held onto him tightly, fisting her hands into his shirt at his words before she eased them and went on to stroke his hair, running her fingers onto his scalp, easing his anxiety as his breathing slowly evened out "Abhimanyu please, I am not going anywhere. You and me are forever, I married you twice to prove it." He nodded into her chest to let her know he heard her but every time he closed his eyes, visions of Akshara, pale as a sheet, lying unconscious and covered in blood played on loop and he would spiral back into this deep spiral of agony where he just couldn't let the image go and couldn't stop his pulse rate from spiking up, making his vision blur as tingles spread throughout his body.

Shaking his head back and forth he finally broke down and it unleashed the hurt, the fear, the pain, everything that he had been holding onto tightly in this waves and waves of sorrow and dread. It took him a moment to realize that Akshara was still running her hands through his hair as she sang her song for him, somehow she had moved his head onto her lap and she was holding him tightly as she sang softly in her beautiful voice and with a loud shudder Abhimanyu felt his panic attack subside and his vision cleared. Blinking up at her he watched her face carefully but she kept her eyes on him, running one of her hands into his hair while the other rubbed his chest firmly.

"I love you" she whispered before bending down to kiss his forehead. If he hadn't been looking at her so carefully, he would have missed the slight wince crossing her face before she tried to scamper and hide it but it was too late. Abhimanyu pushed himself away from her like he had been burned, panicking trying to turn the bigger light on, rib injuries always hurt the worst and Akshara's ribs were a very scary sight all bruised up. Before he could put his feet down from the bed, Akshara gripped his wrist tightly and pulled once causing him to startle and stumble back down on the bed, next to her. "Sona sit. I'm okay, I promise."