Eighteen Candles (you will remember me)

43.

Billie

I don't believe that bad people exist. I don't believe anyone would want to hurt someone on purpose. I don't believe Chris is a bad person.

That's why I let him talk to me in the first place but he just wouldn't listen. He kept implying I never told him that I didn't wanna sleep with him or be with him in general.

He didn't text me. He just stood in the parking lot, leaning against some random car. I didn't wanna run when I saw him. I walked up to him and asked him what he was doing here.

Chris just smiled at me. He kept rambling about how he never understood why I never texted him and why Julien told him to leave and why everyone was so mad at him.

I was glad that Julien and Blake came to rescue me. But I didn't want Blake to punch Chris again. Blake keeps forgetting about the consequences his actions can cause.

I can't even concentrate, thinking about everything that has been happening lately. Chris being back. Blake punching Chris. Me spending a week at the Evans' house. Me getting confused about my feelings for Blake.

I crush against someone, fully captured in my thoughts. "Hey, hey, hey, Bills, eyes up!" Jacob, one of the hockey boys says, grinning at me.

I apologize for bumping into him and walk pass him. But Jacob jogs up to me. "Where are you going, Bills? I thought we were talking," he says.

I roll my eyes. It's not pretty rare for me to get hit on by boys from this school and outside. But I am well aware that all of them just want to ask me out to fuck me. None of them sees me as a girl to be in a relationship with. Maybe for some time until they can fuck me. Some even bet on the fact I would let them bang me.

But I never did.

Jacob has been one of the boys complementing me from time to time to get a better chance to get me into bed. But I always refused. I have no interest in sleeping with him or any other boy.

"I was running into your chest, apologized and then left. I have no intention to talk to you, Jacob," I tell him and keep walking.

He follows me. We get closer to my music classroom, which I am supposed to skip but when I turn around right now, Jacob will know and will probably tell the principal I've been skipping classes. Cause I know my teacher has not been reporting them, cause if she would, my father would know and he doesn't.

"I was wondering if you and I would finally go on a date," Jacob asks me and I stop.

I turn my head to Jacob and look up to him. "Why on earth should you and I go on a date? How dare you even ask me? Don't you know I am with Chris?" I ask him.

Even though Chris and I are not together anymore, I didn't tell anyone about what happened. Except for Blake and Julien and I know they would never tell anyone.

"But you had sex, didn't you? It's over then. You can move on to the next one," Jacob answers me and my eyes widen.

I always knew I was just a sex symbol but never has someone told me that this directly. I feel shame. And anger.

I step closer to Jacob, his grin widening, almost turning into a playful smirk. I go on my tiptoes and raise my hand. Right when I hear a door opening, I slap Jacob across the face.

"Don't you ever dare say something like that to a female ever again. Don't even think about it!"

A teacher runs out of the classroom. My music teacher.  She looks shocked. "Billie Adams! Principal's office! Now!"

. . .

The principal called Simone to pick me up and so she did. We didn't talk in the car but I could feel the tension building up between us. I didn't know how to start this conversation. I don't even know what the principal told Simone about what happened.

I play with my fingers nervously.

"You don't need to tell me anything, Billie. Just talk to someone please. No matter if it's Flynn or Blake," Simone tells me calmly.

Something along my back shivers and the hair on my arms just straighten up. There's just something making my heartbeat raise about the way people suddenly seem to talk about Blake's and my relationship.

And I don't know how to handle how that makes me feel.

Cause I know my heart doesn't start pounding because of hate when Blake stumbles into a room. Cause I know I don't watch him talk to girls at parties because of annoyance. Cause I know I start to like spending time with him.

And I know that this will get me in trouble. And a lot of heartbreak.

We continued driving in silence. I never answered Simone but I'm pretty sure she took it the way I thought about it. If Simone tells Flynn about the things that have been changing between me and Blake, she will be furious. And hurt. I don't want to hurt her.

I know about how Flynn feels around people sometimes. How she always expects everyone to choose her last. I don't know where that comes from though. I just know that she doesn't deserve to feel that way and especially not because of me.

When we arrive at the Evans' house I firmly jump out of the car and rush right inside. Erik calls out my name but I ignore him and walk upstairs. I close the door behind me and sit down on the floor in front of it.

If my mother would have been still alive she would say something like follow your heart. I would have asked her what I should do if that is exactly what I fear that much. I don't know what she would have answered to that.

We never got into such a situation.

Her birthday is in six days.

I've already been looking for pretty candles I can place on her grave. I thought about getting a pink one with a white bow around it. She would have find it cute.

My mother loved pink. She had pink shoes. A pink cardigan. Even a pink hat. My father always found it funny but my mother believed in the color pink giving her youth. Letting her stay young. My father than didn't laugh about it anymore he just smiled at her, wearing pink clothes.

I always wished to have what they had when I was younger. They always cared for each other, even when they were fighting. I can recall my father buying my mother her favorite chocolate when they were fighting once. Not because he wanted to make up with her -my father is very stubborn, he would never admit he's wrong- but because the chocolate has been sold out before.

And my mother always raved about my father in front of me when they were fighting. Cause she couldn't tell him how much she loved him, so she told me instead.

My phone vibrates and Blake's name pops up on my screen.

B: why keep people telling me you hit Jacob and got expelled?
B: what did he do?!

- - -

I'm sorry you had to wait this long for this chapter! I try my best to at least publish one per week as long as I have exams coming up.

Sorry for that.

I hope you still like reading my story cause I'm very excited about what is coming up. Be prepared!

Thank you for all the support!

<3