Eighteen Candles (you will remember me)

45.

Billie

I hate him.

I hate him more than anyone else I have ever met. I wasted years of my life, waiting for Blake to love me back. And he didn't. He chose to ignore me instead. To kiss every other kissable girl instead of me. Chose to play with me, fuck with my head.

I thought it was funny to play a little with him. But I can't take it any longer. I can't stand watching him laugh with someone else and I don't know about what. I can't stand watching him look at me and turn my head away. I can't stand him standing an inch away from me, looking at my lips and not kissing me.

I was fine with us not being together. But I cannot pretend like his words don't grow a little too close to my heart. That his touch doesn't shock my body a little too much.

I hate feeling electrified again whenever I hear his voice and I don't want to give my heart away again. Cause I know he won't treat it right and I know if I give my heart away to get it broken, it will break Flynn's heart as well.

But maybe it's already too late.

Someone knocks on my door and since Simone and Erik are not home, I can only assume that Blake is standing in front of my door. I don't answer him. I don't want to. I don't want to talk to him ever again. I don't want to see him ever again.

I'm afraid I can never back away if I just step one step closer.

"Billie please. Whatever just happened, I'm sorry," Blake talks through the door.

I walk closer to him, following his voice. But I stop right in front of the door, not touching the handle and not answering him.

"Can we please just talk about it? About what you just said? Cause if there was something I didn't do it's ignoring you. I can not recall a single moment I spent not looking at you all these past years. I-"

I interrupt him by pulling the door open aggressively. I'm done with his bullshit.

"You are full of shit, Blake! Cause we kissed years ago and then you just decided to ignore me completely! You don't-"

"Exactly! Years ago! How old was I? 12? They manipulated me, telling me you were weird-"

"Why the fuck did you even listen then?! You could have just ignore their comments if you're so in love with me like you object to be!" I yell back at him.

"I was 12, Billie! And I fucking did ignore their comments! You just decided to hate me all of a sudden!"

I step closer to him. His eyes look sad but his mimic is angry. But I can't stand the way he's trying to talk himself out of this. "All of a sudden?! What the fuck Blake! You were all dangled up with Gemma! And every other girl on this damn planet! You didn't even notice Austin's behavior towards me back then!"

"That's not fair Billie. I literally punched him in the face when he tried to kiss you back then. If I had known about what he did right at the time I would have fucked him over and you know it-"

I cross my arms in front of my chest and raise my brows. "You didn't even pay attention to me back then! You wouldn't have cared. You gave a shit about my life after we kissed! You were a stupid asshole older brother before but after our kiss you were just-"

"You behaved the fucking same, Billie!" he yells, stepping even closer. My nose might touch his chest at this point. "Stop pretending like this whole hating thing between us was just my fault! You always-"

"I thought you hate me!"

"Well I don't!" he raises his arms in the air hysterically.

My eyes widen and his as well. We stare at each other and I think this might be the point in my life where I have to accept that I can't hold back anymore.