That Time When I Fell Down the Stairs and Became a Jujutsu Sorcerer

Chapter 51 - Constant

“God damn it!”

I tossed down another negative pregnancy test and leaned over on the countertop. Gritting my teeth, I stared down at the lastest failure. This was far too close to call. If I didn't manage to get pregnant soon, our daughter wouldn't be born in time for Shibuya. I had to help in Shibuya. I had to.

“Sweetheart, relax.” Satoru said, coming into the bathroom, “It’s fine. It'll happen when it's supposed to.”

“It was so easy the first two times!” I groaned, “Why is it when we need it to happen it won't? Am I doing something wrong or–”

He put his hand on my head, “Stop. You're working yourself up for no reason. It's only January.” He said calmly, rubbing my back, “It's all gonna work out.”

“Satoru!” I looked up at him, I must have looked like a mess because he immediately wrapped his arms around tight and pressed my face into his chest.

“I know you think you have to be involved in all parts of this, but you really don't.” He said softly and carefully, “You have to have some faith in us. We know what's coming. The only thing that made it all go wrong so fast was me getting sealed.” He sighed, “If you can't come fight in Shibuya, then that's how it's gotta be. If getting sealed is what's best for all of us, I'll do it and you can just get me out later. It's not so bad.”

“Nanami and Kugisaki will die if I don't-”

“Why are you so sure they will?” He said, picking me up and setting me on the counter, “Nanami is a perfectly capable man, you know this. Kugisaki will just be a student, yes, but we can make sure she's paired with someone different. As for Itadori, when Sukuna blasts half of Shibuya, we can evacuate the whole area. You know we have the authority to do that.”

“But what if something different happens?” I asked, my hands trembling on his arms, “Everything could fall apart if I don't rewind and–”

“Sarah!” He said sharply, holding me firm with his hands on my shoulders, “Listen to yourself! Don't you have faith in us?”

“Of course I do I just–”

“Then let it go!” He said quietly, “Let it go. The fight with Sukuna is far more important than anything in Shibuya. If we win that, then we can figure out how to go back to the start and fix everything from the beginning.”

“But what if I can't? What if this is it?” I said, placing my forehead against his chest with my eyes squeezed shut, “What if… what if I fail?”

“Sarah,” he placed his hand on the back of my head, “You won't fail. This won't be the end. Don't let these thoughts hurt you when nothing has even happened yet. This won't be the end.”

I felt tears streaming down my face. It was just too much. It felt like everything would fall apart if I didn't help. I had devoted so much of my life to this cause, and missing this event would be unacceptable. This incredible panic was setting in, making me feel irrational.

He just held me close, letting me cry. Petting my hair softly as I sobbed, he whispered sweet calming things with his other hand on my back. There was no way he understood my irrational thoughts, it wasn't like he even understood some of my own rational ones, but he still was so patient with me about it.

“T-thank you…” I sputtered out, sitting up and wiping my tears on my sleeve, “I'm sorry I can't stop it… I just can't stop thinking about it when I get stressed and–”

“Shh, baby. I know.” He whispered, “It's alright. You just can't let these thoughts beat you before you've even tried. I know you can do it. You're so strong when the time comes.” He leaned down and kissed the top of my head, “I don't like it when you make yourself sad. I know you can't help it, but it makes me sad too.”